


A Life of Beautiful Regret

by orphan_account



Series: Back to the Future, or Some Other Copyrighted Movie Quote [2]
Category: Eddsworld
Genre: Alcoholism, Blood, Depression, Fighting, Gay Sex, Gore, Im not super good at writing smut, Implied/Referenced Alcohol/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Like, M/M, More tags to be added, Nudity, Rating May Change, SMUTTY SMUT, Self-Harm, Self-Loathing, Sex, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Violence, but - Freeform, but only in later chapters so don't worry, its THERE, lots of fighting, omg, that chapter is pretty skipable too so, trigger warning, yup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 13:43:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 34,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8669914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: //ON HIATUS I'M SO SORRY//Red is a hot and passionate color. It is a fire that burns strong, and bright. It does not give up. It is a determined color, and it is never lonely, but it is always hurting, always in pain.Blue is a cold and calm color. It is made of ice and water, and it stays cool. It can give up if given the chance. And it will. It always gives up because it is a sad and lonely color.Green is the color of life. It brightens the world, and brings the inevitable, death. It is never up to you who lives or dies, it is always life who decides, even if it does not know it's deciding.Purple is the color of the night sky. It always hurts, but doesn't know it's hurting, and always hurts in silence. Purple is a beautiful color that needs attention, for fear of being forgotten is too great.All of these colors are pretty, but they are also ugly.Red, the color of blood. Purple, the color of bruises. Green, the color of sickness, and Blue, the color of your lips after death.You will see the ugliness that hides under such beautiful poisons.





	1. Built for Blame

**Author's Note:**

> The title and the summary are both subject to change.  
> (NOTE: If you have not read 'Okay, What Happened?' I suggest you do that now. It is the prequel to this story, and a lot of things may not make sense if you have not readthe pologue.)

**Built For Blame**

Tom was released from the hospital a week later, with the promise to Edd that he would never pull such a stupid stunt like that ever again. Tom honestly didn't know what came over him. He was warned of changes in his head, now that he has this brain injury, but he didn't expect something so drastic.

On the drive home, it was just Edd and Tom in the car. Out of nowhere, Tom found tears streaming down his face. He was thinking about Tord again.

"Tom?" Edd asked, looking over at Tom. "Tom? Are you alright?" Tom only shook his head no. "What's wrong, Tom?" Edd was growing concerned. "He never told us why." Edd pulled into the driveway of the apartment complex. "He never said anything!"

"I know, Tom." Edd smiled, and reached over the center console to hug Tom. Tom hugged him back tightly, and cried into Edd's shoulder. "Why did he do it? Why did I kill him?" Tom clung tighter. "I think it would be better if I brought you inside, sleepyhead." Edd had a right to call Tom sleepyhead. It was six'o'clock in the morning. Tom was never up this early. 

Edd slowly took a crying Tom up the elevator. Thankfully, there weren't a whole lot of people coming or going from the apartments at this time.

Edd pushed the fourth floor button, and pulled the shorter man along with him by the shoulders. "It's okay, Tom. You did just fine." Edd said, his voice was calm and comforting. Edd pulled out the spare keys he had to Tom's apartment, and pulled him inside.

Tom immediately went for the refrigerator, which held the Smirnoff he had been so horribly denied in the hospital. Edd, for once, didn't even lift a finger to stop him. He actually helped him.

Tom honestly looked like the definition of terrible. His hair was greasy and messy, it was down for once, and he hadn't showered in two weeks. His chest was sore due to him attempting to rip out all of the stitches, and every now and then, he still had trouble breathing.

His left arm would need lots of physical therapy. Most of his muscles were roughly cut apart, and severed from everything else. The cut almost went down the the bone, and his arm was left almost completely useless. He had a whole lot of trouble trying to lift it, but he was actually recovering much better and faster than expected. He even woke up from anesthesia much quicker than most people. 

His left leg was made of titanium from the kneecap, up to the ball and socket joint in his hip. He was told he may have some pain problems during the winter due to this.

Tom had a nasty scar on the right side of his head. It was in the shape of a giant question mark. It started at the very top of his temple, and and reached all the way back to the back of his head, then it curled downwards, just behind the ear. It then followed the ear shape to just above the edge of his mandible. He hated that scar. It reminded him of terrible things. Of battle, and loss, and death. 

He hated his apartment. He hated it because he wasn't sharing it with his two best friends. It was far too small. But if he had Edd and Matt over, and pretended hard enough, he could almost convince himself that day was just a bad dream, and he was back in Durdan Lane, where he belonged. 

Tom grabbed the Smirnoff from the fridge, though he didn't know why it was even there. He drank it straight from the bottle, and even offered Edd some if the beverage. Edd nodded, and drank some, happily. 

It wasn't terribly long before Tom was straight up drunk. He was drunk, but, unlike usual, he wasn't angry at everything. He was just sad. He sat on the couch, leaned into Edd, and cried. Edd held him tightly, whispering comforting things in his ear. "You did what you had to do, Tom." He said. "You saved the world." Edd rubbed circles into Tom's back until his hiccups turned into sniffles, and those sniffles turned into somewhat calm breaths. 

Tom was asleep. 

Edd smiled, and picked Tom up, bridal style, and carried him into his bedroom. He slowly set Tom down, and pulled the covers over his body. Edd began walking out of the room, but something grabbed his hand. "Edd stay," Tom said in a tired, weak whisper. "Please?" Edd looked at Tom, his lack of eyes half-lidded, and tired. Edd nodded. 

"Okay," he whispered back. 

Edd crawled under the sheets with Tom, and Tom curled up in his chest, and fell asleep. Edd smiled at his friend. Edd was determined to help him get better. 

\---

Tom woke up, hours later, to Edd cuddling him. Tom's face was buried in Edd's chest, and Edd held his arms around the smaller man protectively. Tom blushed. 

Tom began to get up, and pulled out his phone to check the time. It was around noon. He yawned, and stretched, but then remembered he had stutched in his chest, and they were pulled on when he stretched his torso. He winced in pain, and groaned. "Stupid stitches." He pulled off his hoody to look at them. 

He walked into the bathroom, and looked in the mirror. He was in terrible condition. His hair was messy and greasy, he was in desperate need of a shower. He had darker bags than usual under his eyes, and he in general, looked like shit. He felt like it, too. His eyes wandered to his chest. It was stitches, for one. Around the stitches, was a sort of redness, and it looked, and felt painful as hell. He touched the scar, and it tickled a little. He would've laughed, if it didn't hurt so badly. 

Next, he looked at the scar on his head. He turned his head to the side, and gasped. It was like a giant, green-ish-brown-ish scab. He felt it. The texture was rough. It sort of hurt. He looked ar the bruises all over his body. Bruises on his chest, on his arms- oh.  _Oh_. There was a scar on his arm. It had many stitches. It was still covered in bandages, but he felt a whole lot of stitches. He could barely move his arm properly. He could barely feel it, actually. The doctor said he'll need a whole lot of physical therapy to get his arm working again. He could barely wiggle his fingers. 

He hated his reflection. He hated all these wounds. He deserved so much worse. He felt disgusting. He looked disgusting. He killed a man and  _got a-fucking-way with it._ He hated himself. His eyes. Or, his lack of eyes, really. He had no eyes, but he could still see. Some stupid genetic anomaly. 

He should be dead, but was still alive. 

He hated it. 

He hated everything about himself. 

He breathed heavily, and glared harshly at his reflection. He growled. He raised his right arm, and curled his fingers into a fist. He was ready to break the mirror. 

But he couldn't. He couldn't get hurt again. He took another look at his reflection, and saw just hownhurt he really was. He suddenlympitied himself. He got angry again. He detested pity. Absolutely hated it when people felt bad for him. He growled, and raised his fist again. But he realized something. 

'I can't do this.' His first loosened. 'I can't get hurt again. For Edd. He saved me, I can't throw this away. I have to try, right?' He tried to smile, but it hurt too much. 

He broke down sobbing. 

Edd woke up. 

"Tom? Is that you? Are you okay?" Edd walked up to the entrance to the bathroom, and stood at the doorway. He ran to Tom's side, cradling the scrawny man in his chest. "I hate this, Edd!" Edd shooshed him, and rocked him back and forth, his arms around Tom. Tom cried into Edd's hoody, and Edd comforted him. 

"I can't do this! I feel so alone. Like, I all by myself in this..." Edd pulled Tom away from his chest, and lifted his chin with his index finger. Tom blushed. "Tom," he said, simply. "I know you are hurting, but who said you were alone? Because that is simply just not true!" Edd smiled. "You have me, and Matt, and your mum. We're all here for you, and we aren't letting go." 

Tom has never felt so alone in his life. For some reason, he only felt worse for dragging Edd into the mess of his emotions. He hugged Edd's chest again, and cried harder. "That's it, Tom," Edd encouraged. "Cry it out, it's alright, now. We're okay." 

Wails turned to hiccups, hiccups turned to sniffles, and sniffled turnedto even breathing. Edd stood, and held out a hand for Tom, but when Tom grabbed it, it hurt his chest to move around. Edd just picked him up bridal style, and carried him out of the room. 

Edd walked downstairs, Tom in his arms, to the kitchen, where Matt was making pancakes. 

Matt danced to a song he was humming, the tune unrecognizable. He was spinning and twirling, and being happy whilst cooking pancakes. In a frilly, pink apron. 

He scooped another pancake, and tossed it to the stack that was currently sitting on a plate next to the stove. Matt was smiling and wiggling his hips, dancing around, and generally, oddly, being a morning person. 

Well, it was noon, so. 

Edd looked at Tom with a devious look in his eye. He grinned manically, and snuck up behind Matt. Edd grabbed Matt from behind, and put his face in the now squealing ginger's neck. He pressed butterfly kisses to the sensitive skin, and Matt giggled. 

"E-Edd!" He managed between giggles. "What're you doing? I'm making your breakfast, silly!" Edd giggled. "Well, you're my boyfriend, now, so-" Edd paused, and choked up. He turned red. Matt was only a bright pink. Matt smiled. "Well, of course, silly. Now, where is Tommy~?" Edd turned redder, and smiled, looking away. 

Matt searched for Tom, and finally found him at the entrance to the kitchen. He walked up to Tom, looking at him with a very worried expression. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did Edd do anything? Are alright?" He put his hands on Tom's face, squishing it, and turning it in all diffeent directions, making sure he didn't have any new injuries. 

"Yes!" Tom yelled over Matt. Matt jumped, and looked at Tom, worried and apologetic. Tom quickly corrected himself. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm still breathing, everything is working so far. I am fine." Matt smiled.

Behind Matt, Tom spotted Edd stealing pancakes from the pancake plate. Tom looked at him questioningly as Matt talked about something Tom didn't care about. Edd silently puta finger to his lips, and smiled. Tom gave the smallest of nods, and smiled back a little. 

Suddenly, Matt was squishing Tom's face again. "Matt!" He yelled. "What gives!?" Matt giggled. "You just look kinda cute with your little, squishy, chubby face!" Tom blushed. "I am not cute!" He huffed, and Matt only squealed. "Edd come over here! Take a selfie before he escapes!" Edd was suddenly over, hisnphone whipped out, and was takin a picture with Tom and Matt. He grinned as he looked at it. 

Edd showed Tom. 

Tom's face was being squished by Matt's hands, and Matt had a silly look on his face. His eyes were bright and happy, shining in the fluorescent lights above. His tongue peeked out between his lips, and he was clearly giggling in the picture. Tom looked like a grumpy-not-morning-person, even though it was noon. He, too, was sticking his tongue out, but mainly due to the lack of space in his mouth. 

Edd was smirking, throwing out a loose peace sign in front of his chest. He might as well have been wearing sunglasses. Tom giggled at the silly picture, but it kinda hurt. He grabbed at his chest and abdomen, and said, "I need to sit down." He slowly walked go the table, Matt pulling out a chair for him. Tom sat down, feeling relieved of the pressure on his torso. He then smiled. 

"Let's eat some pancakes!" 

\---

Tom, Edd and Matt ate their pancakes happily. Tom had to eat slowly, but he was just as delighted to eat them and Edd and Matt.

As Tom watched Edd and Matt together, he felt a pang of jealously in his chest. Either it was that, or it was the stitches just hurting again. Either way, he didn't like the feeling, but knew that neither of them would intentionally leave him alone for long for a while. He was under house arrest for a long time. 

He decided to lay down on the couch. 

Edd wanted to sit on the couch, so Tom moved his legs so that Edd could sit. As soon as Edd sat, Tom's legs were in his lap. Matt wanted to sit, as well, so Tom lifted his head. When Matt sat, Tom's head was in his lap. 

Tom closed his eyes. 

Edd and Matt started watching something on the TV. 

Yup.

It's going to be a looooong few months. 


	2. Setting Yourself Up For Sarcasm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord Lars' point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will switch back and forth between Matt Tom and Edd, to Tord. When it is in Tord's POV, then this is what's happening as the last Tom Matt and Edd chapter is happening.  
> Just wanted to clear that up for y'all.  
> This chapter is also kinda short (;u;")

**Red Guns and Blue Leaders**

Tord drank. 

He drank a whole lot more, actually. He drank and smoked cigars. Tequila, Smirnoff and cherry wood cigars. 

He took another drag from his cigar, and looked out the window. He was still recovering. His arm was nothing but a scarring stump. The only thing left was his shoulder. 

He couldn't do work, now. He was right-handed. Paul and Patryk did his work, now. They did everything for him, now. They helped him eat, drink, work, even shower and use the bathroom. Hell, they brushed his teeth for him! 

He honestly felt bad they had to do such things for him. He felt crippled. He felt weak. He became the Red Leader because he wasn't weak, and didn't want fo feel like he was any longer. But now, he can't even wipe his own ass. 

He sat in his bed, his knees curled up to his chest, staring out the window. He tossed his cigar out, it now being useless, and he sighed. He took a drink of the red wine on his food tray, courtesy of Patryk, who did what he said, even if Paul didn't agree. He really did underappreciate him. Both of them, actually. 

He took a sip of the room-temperature drink, and sighed again. That seemed to be something he did a lot, lately, sighing. He sighed when he was sad. When he couldn't do something himself because it required his right hand, when he looked out side and wanted to go out there. When he couldn't use his guns because he needed his right hand. When he missed his old friends. 

He sighed again. 

He buried his face in his knees, and hoped that he could just die there. He sighed again. Tear leaked out of his eyes. "I am just too weak." He whispered out. He took a sip of his wine. "I can't do anything myself. I can't eat, brush my teeth," Another sip. "Hell I can't wipe my ass myself." He finished the wine, and attempted to pour himself another glass. It was, thankfully a successful attempt. This time.

Usually, he dropped the bottle on the floor, spillin anperfectly good drink everywhere. 

He took a sip from the glass. 

"I'm just useless." He said. Another sip. "Just a cripple." Sip. "I am weak." Finished the glass again. He poured himself another. "I'm tired of my own shit." Sip. " I am fucking tired of it!" He slammed the glass on the food tray, shaking the tray and spilling wine over the edges of the glass. 

Tord glared. 

He sighed again, and lay back in his bed. 

"What's the use in getting angry, anymore?" He asked no one. "I don't see the point anymore." Tord smiled a sad, weak smile. "I am already drowning myself in alcohol and my own depression." Tears made paths down his face. He accepted the fact that he was now useless to anyone, and wanted to kill himself. "I just don't see the point, anymore, y'know?"

He wasn't talking to anyone. 

Tord sat up, and slowly got out of his bed. He was wearing nothing but blue-grey boxers. His dull, grey eyes- eye -scanned the room for any signs of life. He found none, and walked over to his old desk. He opened a drawer, and found it was empty. He nodded. As it should be. He pulled up the false bottom, and found a small gun. He grabbed it. 

The gun's name was Suicide. 

He realized a long time ago that you can live with dignity, but you can't die with it. He accepted that fact easily. Death was ugly. The whole damn world was ugly. Everything was ugly; life, death, people, everything. He saw that he was a life that was no longer worth living. So he picked up the gun, and held it to his temple. 

Suddenly, there was a knock in his door. This wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to be alone when he killed himself. He didn't want this. "Who is there?" He asked. "A broken pencil." The voice replied. It was Patryk. He was confused. Then he realized he initiated a knock-knock joke by asking 'who's there'. "A broken pencil who?" He replied. "Never mind, it's pointless!" He chuckled dryly at the joke. Patryk had no idea. 

"Is it alright to come in?" Patryk asked. Tord debated this for a while. He didn't want to die, but he was useless, now. He had no choice.

~~_Unless someone could prove him wrong._ ~~

"What?" He said aloud. "I said, can I come in?" Patryk repeated. Tord was somewhat confused. "Um, sure." Tord was still holding the gun to his head as Patryk walked in. 

Patryk was horrified to find his boss in such a terrible state, about to kill himself, the gun to his head. Tord knows he'll never forget the face he made. Patryk's eyes were wide, his mouth agape, his hand slightly covering his mouth as he gasped. "Tord!" He yelled. He covered his mouth as he called Tord the name he knew his boss hated.

Patryk ignored it, and rushed over to the younger man, pulling the gun out of his hand. Tord's expression went blank. "Why are you doing this?" Tord was suddenly slammed back into reality. 

Well... More like his bedroom floor. And Patryk's chest. 

Tord fell to his knees and didn't say anything. He just grabbed tightly onto Patryk, never wanting to let go. He didn't cry, he just breathed heavily, and held tightly. "I don't understand," Patryk said, worried not just for his boss, but now, for his friend, too. "I don't see the point, anymore, Patryk." 

Paul ran into the room. 

"Patryk, I heard a scream! Is everything okay- Tor-Boss!" Paul corrected himself, and ran to Tord, who was clutching on to Patryk like a lifeline. "Boss! Are you okay?" Paul held Tord and rubbed circles into his back, while Patryk held him and whispered comforting things into his ear. 

"I found him with a gun to his head. He won't say anything." Patryk looked at Paul, worry evident in his eyes. "Oh, Tord." Paul said. "Don't worry, we'll get through this!" Paul tried to smile but Patryk could see the uncertainty, and how it wavered. 

\---

Hours later, Paul and Patryk left to make Tord some lunch. 

Tord was alone in his room. 

Across from him was his piano. When he had both hands, he could play it beautifully. Paul and Patryk used to love hearing him play it. It made them smile. It made  _him_ smile. When he lived with... His 'old friends', he had a keyboard he named Electra. He hasn't touched Electa in almost half a decade. He had her in a closet in his bedroom. 

He didn't play Electra because she reminded him of... His 'old friends'. Playing her made him feel... Depressed. Inadequate. Terrible. Guilty. 

He couldn't even get her down from the shelf in the closet without his right hand, let alone play her properly. So, he stared at his second piano, Maria. 

He stared, and wondered if he could play her well enough to make Paul and Patryk smile again. 

~~_Maybe if you played Maria, you wouldn't feel so useless all the time._ ~~

He stared at Maria, wondering where the thought came from. He couldn't play Maria with just one hand. He looked away sadly. "I can't." He said simply. He continued to only stare at Maria. 

But he found himself standing, anyways. He walked to the piano, despite questioning why. He lifted the wooden casing that protected the keys. He took the time to just look at Maria, and he put a hand on the wood that held her together. She was an old piano. Brown wood, worn and used well. She was beautiful. 

Tord sat on the ebony stool, that didn't quite go with Maria, who was an antique piano that was made of oak. He smiled. He liked it this way. 

He played the first few notes of Füe Elise, and smiled a little. He hummed along to the tune, closing his eyes as he moved his body to the calming music. He played almost half of the song before he slipped up a bit and his playing began to get sloppy. 

He grunted, and got frustated. 

Then he struggled to smile. "No problem, I'll start again." He said to himself. He played the song again, humming, closing his eyes, and moving his body to the rhythm. 

Little did he know, there were two figure standing in his doorway, smiling as they watched him play. Patryk looked at Paul, and smiled. He made a move to grasp Paul's hand, and Paul complied. They laced their fingers together, and watched quietly. This was their friend, the man they've known since they were fifteen. 

Tord was probably their best friend. They wanted him to be happy again, the way he used to be, like before. It would take a while, but the piano was a good start. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't exactly know why, but I've always had a HUGE Headcannon that Tord could play the piano. ( ´∀｀)


	3. Make Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Tom's friends are happy, then he's-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any misunderstandings with this chapter. While I was writing it, I accidentally posted it, and the sentence I was writing wasn't even finished. I apologize! I am so sorry about that!!! >~

**Chapter III: If You're Happy, I'm-**

Tom was getting better. Rather, it seemed like that. 

Tom was happy, by day. He laughed and smiled and pretended he was okay, because during the day, he was. By nightfall, he was a terrible creature. A creature of darkness. He would lay in bed, and think about everything that's ever gone wrong in his life. Every bad thing he's done that he never told anyone about. 

Every person he's killed. 

Tord. Tord Tord Tord Tord Tord. 

Tord is dead. Tom killed him. Tord deserved it. Tom saved the world. 

Tom ended a life. Tom killed another human being to spare all of the others that would lose their lives fighting him. He ended a life for the greater good. 

Tom killed a fellow human being. He killed another person. Another person with ups and downs and happiness and sadness and emotions. He probably thought about a whole lot of things. Like why he breathed, or what a world under his rule would look like. He had a brain. And lungs. And eyes. And a smile. And a frown. 

Tom took that away from him. 

Tom deserved to die. 

He deserved to suffer. 

He deserved pain. 

Tom took a gulp of Smirnoff. Smirnoff didn't help, but it made him feel a little better. When he drank, he didn't think. When he he didn't think he was happy. He didn't think about Tord. 

But when he didn't think, he did bad things. When he did those bad things, he got hurt. He woke up with new cuts and scabs and scars on his body. On his wrists, on his hips, on his thighs. 

He stopped taking his hoody off. It hid the scars. They made him insecure. He parted his hair so he didn't have to see the scar on his head. He wore long sleeves, and wore the same shirts for months. 

He wore a mask. The mask was happy. It showed everyone else that he was okay. They didn't know what he was fighting. But that's okay, he could fight it alone. He didn't know what he was fighting. 

He often times cried himself to sleep. 

After drinking himself into oblivion. 

He got new piercings in his ears. Black hoops curled around the cartilage. He bought wristbands that showed the names of his favorite bands. He bought albums of every sub-genre of rock he could find. He lived off of pizza and beer. 

He gained weight. It was certainly noticeable. He had a gut, and his thighs were definitely getting bigger. Stupid cellulite. Every now and then, he'll measure his waistline. Every time he does, it always gets a little wider. Sometimes, he looks at himself in the mirror. He knew he wasn't exactly the picture of physical and mental health, but this was his only coping mechanism.

Well. At least he still had a pretty nice ass. 

Tom turned around, staring at himself in the mirror. He did have a nice butt. He just thought that at this point, it was probably his best physical quality. Scratch that, it was his best quality. Ever. He thought all his qualities were bad. 

Tom turned to face the mirror to look at his stitches again. Tom's hair was down, barely touching his shoulders. He stepped closer to the mirror. 

His stitches were healing nicely. They were dissolvable, and seemed to be dissappearing quickly. He found his wound was healing much better than he thought it would. At least he'd have a cool scar or two to get the ladies, right? Tom shot finger-guns at his reflection, and grinned. He giggled a little because he just looked silly. 

Tom decided he wanted to be at least a little bit productive today. Just a little. So he decided to take a shower. 

Tom took off his pyjama pants, and walked into the bathroom attached to his bedroom. He turned the faucet to turn on the water, and turned it to a nice, relaxing, warm setting. To him, it was relaxing and warm. To anyone else, it might as well have been thirty-seven thousand degrees in there. What? He was kind of cold. Tom took off his boxers, and pushed the curtain aside to get into the shower. He instantly warmed up in the hot water, and let out a sigh of relief. 

His sore stitches, both on his head and chest and arm, also seemed relieved of the cold, and welcomed the warmth. Tom closed his not-eyes, and let the warmth consume him. Tom enjoyed the warm water. He knew by the time he got out, it would probably be nightfall, but he didn't care. He needed this. 

Tom hummed a happy tune and grabbed his shampoo. He lathered the soap on his hands and put it in his hair. He scrubbed at his scalp, and hummed at the nice feeling. No wonder dogs love being pet. He smiled. 

Tom got out of the shower, a towel around his hips, and he grabbed his hair dryer. He blow-dried his hair, enjoying the rush of hot, dry air as it hit his face. 

Once his hair was dry, he dug around in his closet, looking for whatever clothes he could find. Tom walked in front of the mirror, and stretched a little. His towel fell off. He reached to pick it up, when he saw his reflection. 

He saw scars. All over his thighs and hips. On his wrists. Some were even on his neck, but those weren't that noticeable. Suddenly, he didn't feel as okay as he did when he woke up. 

He saw the bags under his eyes. He saw the way he slouched. His posture was bad. It only made him look shorter. 

He looked around his room for some clean underwear. He found some in a drawer, and was about to put them on when Edd bursted into his room. 

Tom screamed. Edd screamed. "Ahh!" Tom attempted to cover himself up. "Edd I'm naked!" He shouted. "Tom you're naked!" Edd yelled back. "Who's naked?" Matt joined the conversation, and Edd in the doorway. "Me!" Tom yelled. Everyone was silent for a minute. With every second that went by, Tom's face went redder. "Are you going to get dressed?" Edd asked. Tom was convering himself as best as he could. He was honestly more worried about the scars being visible than anything else. "Uhm- if you get out!" Tom didn't move. "C'mon, Matt, let's give the man some privacy." Edd dragged Matt out of the room, shutting the door behind him. 

Tom sighed. "Thank God they didn't see anything." He whispered to himself. 

Tom got dressed in his 'stay safe' shirt, the one he's been wearing for the past month and a half, and his blue hoody. He put on some old, ripped grey skinny jeans. As he looked in the mirror, he noticed he had a little bit of a muffin top. "I need to get some new jeans, soon, then." He said to himself. He put on some black socks, and grabbed his flask before leaving the room. 

He walked down stairs to see Matt and Edd practically making out on his couch. He openly cringed. "Guys! Get a room!" He covered his empty eye-sockets, and turned away. Matt and Edd got up quickly, faced red and both of them panting. "T-Tom! Heheheh," Edd muttered. "Uhm- right- we were just- uh-" Edd rambled. "Playing Twister!" Matt interrupted. Tom groaned. "Well, you can play 'Twister'," Tom used his calloused fingers to air quote. "Not on my couch. Just in case it, you know, escalates." Edd turned from bright pink to beet red in record time. Matt just giggled. 

 Tom then noticed a plastic bag on his coffee table. "What's in that bag?" He asked. Edd picked it up, glad to change the subject. "Oh, this?" He opened the bag, pulling out what looked like a movie disc. "The new Insane Zombie Pirates From Hell movie just came out on DVD, and we figured you'd want to watch it with us!" He grinned. Tom smiled. "I'll go make us some pop-corn!" He walked into the kitchen, humming a somewhat cheerful tune. 

He was always down for a good movie every once in a while. Besides, they weren't able to see the movie in the cinema, and they were kind of sad about that. They loved the IZPFH series. It was probably what brought and kept them together most times. 

Tom rummaged through his pantry, looking for his last bag of pop-corn. "Did I eat it?" He asked. He looked a little further, nearly having to crawl all the way in his pantry just to find it. It was way in the back of the pantry. He smiled. "Found you!" He took off the plastic wrap around it, and put it in the microwave for a couple minutes. 

Tom waited for the pop-corn to finish, whilst humming a random tune in his head. Tom, all of a sudden, got very cold. He wrapped his arms around himself, and shivered. He checked the thermostat. It was seventy-eight degress, how was he cold? Tom heard the microwave beep, and he walked back to the kitchen. 

He grabbed the bag out of the microwave, wincing at how hot it was. "Ah! Owowowow! Hot hot hot!" He dropped the bag on the counter. "Tom you okay in there?" Edd asked. Tom nodded. Them he realized Edd couldn't see him. "Yeah, I'm fine! The popcorn bag is just really hot!" "Be careful, Tom. A woman like that needs to be treated nicely!" Tom laughed. "I think I'm gonna marry her!" Tom chuckled back. "She's, honestly, a smokin' hot babe!" Tom poured the pop-corn into a large, green bowl. 

Tom walked into the living room, pop-corn in hand, chuckling. He sat on the couch next to Edd, Edd in the middle of the three friends. 

Tom had friends who wanted to help. Tom had friends who cared. Tom had friends. Tom wasn't happy just yet, but he was getting there. 

After all, if Tom's friends were happy, he's-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The quote, 'If you're happy, I'm-' comes from an episode of House M.D., which is one of my favorte shows. I can't remember the episode but if you want to find out for yourself, watch it on Netflix.


	4. BigCityDreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord comes back to apologize. Mainly because Paul and Patryk want an apartment where Tom, Edd and Matt are currently living, and they don't want all their neighbors to hate them.  
> Angst ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They don't get together, just yet, so hold your horses, shippers.  
> The chapter after this one will be a Christmas Holiday Special, of sorts. I'll be doing Christmas-Themed chapters until New Years ouo But I refuse to listen to Christmas music! I HATE THAT SHIT.

**Chapter: IV Three Spoken Reasons Tord Has To Move In With Tom, And One Left Unspoken Part: I: It's For Your Own Good!**

_Tord sighed._

_He readied himself for immense pain beyond belief._

_He bit his lip so hard, it started bleeding. He closed his eyes, and furrowed his brows._

_"You sure you're okay with this, boss?" Paul asked. The younger man only nodded in reply. "Yes. I need my arm back. For Maria." Paul suddenly laughed a little. "Do you know- know how cheesy that sounded?" Patryk asked between laughs. Tord chuckled lightly. "Yeah, that was pretty cheesy. But what made it wierd, is that Maria is a piano!"_

_The three laughed loudly._

_Suddenly, Tord's shoulder was in immense pain. He screamed at the unexpected change. He was sweating, and panting and screaming._

_But he didn't have his arm back just yet._

_"There," Paul said. "Just like ripping off a bandaid." Tord scoffed. "Yeah. Ripping off a bandaid. Made of metal. Hot, burning metal. And then replacing it. With another hot piece of burning hot metal."_

_Tord looked at his shoulder. At least the hard part was done and over with._

_Tord now had a large, metal disc, one inch thick attached to his shoulder. This would make it easier to attach and detach the new, robotic arm to his shoulder. One more minute, and he could play Maria again. He smiled._

_Paul turned around, and grabbed a large arm-sized case. It was a grey case, made of metal, long and had a black handle on one side. Paul grinned._

_"We tested this baby, it's the best the lab has to offer!" Paul said. He opened the case to reveal, surprise surprise, a robotic arm. Tord smiled._

_The arm was bright red, and shiny. It had a blue circle on the palm, and some grey pieces here and there, but it was mainly just bright, firetruck red. Tord loved it._

_"That is amazing!" Tord exclaimed. "Well," Paul said. "Let's test 'er out on ya!" Tord grinned even wider. He couldn't wait, especially now that the horrid pain in his shoulder has subsided._

_Paul reached into the case with gloved hands, and pulled out the arm. Tord sat back, patiently waiting for Paul to attach it, while Patryk watched, and happy, silly grin on his face._

_Paul put the arm near the disk on Tord's shoulder, and Tord couldn't wait. He bit his lip in anticipation. Paul put the arm on the disk, and twisted it. There was a loud 'click' sound, and then the arm was attached._

_Tord had tried to play the piano with one arm, and found it very difficult to do so. He could barely play Für Elise with one hand, let alone any one of his other favorites, such as The Entertainer, or Darth Vader's themesong, (which he only played when Paul and Patryk were around due to a long story back at the foster home involving a Darth Vader action figure, a toy trumpet, and scissors. Needless to say, mistakes were made, and some poor guy out there is now scarred for life and is terrified by the thought of Darth Vader)._

_"Okay," Paul said, snapping Tord  out of his thoughts. Tord whipped his head up to look at Paul. "Try moving your arm." Tord smiled. "Lets do this." Tord stated. He carefully lifted his arm, and grinned widely. "Yes! I can do it! I have an arm now!" He was laughing and smiling. Paul and Patryk cheered. "Yes! We should celebrate!"_

_"Okay, but first," Paul said. "A few rules with this arm." Tord groaned. "It is waterproof, so it's okay to get it wet," Tord sighed. "I know what waterproof means, Paul." He feigned irritation, but Paul saw the curl in the corner of his bosses lips. "But it is not fireproof. Not really. Don't get it over heated, if you do, then it will not work. It can also short out if electrocuted with a high enough voltage, but that's not very likely, because there is nothing with a high enough voltage to short that baby out." Paul grinned. "Rules and regulations aside," He said. "Let's celebrate!" Paul threw his arms in the air so quickly, his cigarette fell out of his mouth. The three of them cheered once again._

That was one month ago. 

_Present Day_

_Morning Star Apartments_

_12:43 a.m._

Tord was the elevator of Morning Star Apartments, where Edd, Matt and Tom currently lived. Tord looked down as he realized they probably didn't live together anymore, and it his fault. He sighed. He needed a drink. 

Tord was not drunk enough for this shit. That's why he was here. Paul and Patryk figured it was a good idea to get Tord to apologize. After all, they would make a great addition to the army. But Tord was a coward. It took Paul and Patryk a month to convince him to come here. 

Besides, Paul and Patryk needed a place to live, and would appreciate it greatly if all their neighbors didn't hate them. 

Paul put his hand on Tord's shoulder. Tord was hunched over, and looked quite small. He still had bandages on his right eye. But that was because he didn't was to see the scars again. It hurt to even look at them. 

Tord was wearing a blue peacoat and his old, red hoody, along with a pair of tan-colored pants. Paul and Patryk wore a similar outfit, blue peacoat, but they had on red turtle-neck sweaters. Tord had on high-heeled boots that made his already tall figure look even taller. He found himself to look more intimidating that way. This was the red army uniform. But only Tord could wear a red hoody, the rest of the army had on red turtle-necks, sleeveless or otherwise.

No one asked why, which was good because no one should question someone as scary and intimidating as The Red Leader. That's what Tord was. Scary and intimidating. He had power. He scared people, and when he talked, people listened. Tord stood up a little straighter at that thought.

Now he was taller than Paul and just an inch or two shorter than Patryk. 

He straightened his posture, and squared his shoulders. Slouching is really not good for your back. Or for looking intimidating.

Then the elevator door opened. 

"And I jumped in the air, like, y'know, the tazmanian devil, my feet weren't on the ground! Mind you I was like, three years old, and my dad was this big guy, like he's not small! And he was hiding behind a small ten by five by five box, from a three year old!" Tom was laughing with Matt and Edd. Tord froze. He no longer felt intimidating and scary. No longer felt like he had power. He saw what he did to them. 

Edd had a cast on his left wrist. Matt had a nasty scar on his face. But the bruise was healing nicely. It was now a yellow-green-brown looking spot on his eye. 

Tom looked fine. 

Of course he would be fine. Tom was always fine. 

Then Tom saw Tord. They made 'eye contact'. Well, as much eye conact as you could make with an eyeless man. 

"What the hell?!" Tom yelled. "You guys see this, too, right? It's not just me, right?" Tom was frantic. His eye sockets were wide. He was seemed to be hyperventilating. "Whoa. It's-i-it's Tord!" Edd yelled. Tom fell to his knees, his head in hands. "He- he's dead- but he's here- how- why- where-" Tom rambled, and Matt held him, trying to calm him the fuck down. 

"What're you doing here!?" Edd yelled. He was mainly surprised, and not that angry, it seemed. 

"Do you know what you did to Tom!?" 

Oh, wait. He's angry. 

"And not just physically! Do you know what you did to him?" Edd asked again. Tom was in tears at this point. Edd stepped forward, getting in Tord's face, and jabbing his finger in his chest harshly. "You broke him!" Edd yelled. 

People started coming out of their apartments to see what all the commotion was. "What's going on?" Some of them asked. "Someone is in trouble, it looks like!" Whispering. Murmuring. Mumbling. 

"B-broke him?" Tord asked. "Yes!" Edd yelled. "You broke him! You don't even know half of what Tom has been going through! He has a serious brain injury, now! He has stitches across his chest! From his shoulder, to his hip! All because you made a fucking building fall on him! You don't know what he's been through!"

Tord gave a sad smile. 

"Actually, I think I do." Tord took the bandages off his face, to reveal a nasty, horrible scar.

Half of his face was fine, the other half was pink and twisted. His eye no longer worked. It was twisted shut, due to pieces of skin healing over the lid, forcing it shut. Not that he had an eye there, anyways. He was told that it melted in the explosion. 

Tord took off his peacoat to reveal the hoody he'd been wearing during the accident. The whole sleeve was ripped off and singed. The arm that went through it was no longer fleshy and muscular and warm. It was cold and hard and robotic. Edd could see the short sleeve to a grey t-shirt under the hoody. 

Tom was the first to speak. "Did- did I do that?" His voice was weak and tired. Most people went back into their apartments, not bothering with the strange situation. 

Tord was silent. 

"Did I do that?" Tom repeated more firmly, now. Tord looked away. "Answer me, dammnit!" Tom stood up to his full height, which wasn't actually that tall, (especially since Tord was wearing red, high-heeled boots that made him, like, eight feet tall). 

"Answer me when I talk to you, Tord!" Tom was getting in Tord's face, and Tord flinched at the venom in Tom's voice. "Did I. Do this. To you?" Tom's voice was cracking. Tord nodded, the movement barely visible. 

But it was enough to make Tom gasp. Tom felt tears welling up in his eyes again. Tom stepped backwards. Step. Step. Step step step. He turned and ran away, back to his apartment. 

"Tom!" Tord yelled. "Wait!" He reached his robotic arm out for Tom, as if he could reach out and grab him, pull him back. Tord decided to stop. 

To stop being a coward. 

Tord pushed past a surprised Edd, and a scared Matt, and ran after Tom. 

"Tom, wait! Please!" Tord was desperate. He chased after the smaller man, his long legs and abundance of stamina allowed him to catch up to Tom easily. But the stupid red heels made it incredibly hard. He kept tripping over his feet quite a bit. 

Suddenly, one of his heels broke, and he fell to the ground. "God damn shoes!" He yelled. He tore off the boots and ran after Tom. He managed to catch him just before he was able to open the door to his apartment. 

"Tom, wait," he said quietly. "This isn't your fault." "Thanks, that makes me feel so much better!" Tom said, sarcasm dripping so heavily from his voice, it might as well have been pouring from his lips in a physical, liquid form.

Tom opened the door quickly and rushed inside. He attempted to shut the door, but Tord shoved his foot throught the opening. He winced as Tom tried to slam the door on his foot repeatedly. "Tom stop!" He yelped. He knew he wouldn't be walking properly for a few days. 

"I came back for one reason," Tord said. He pushed through the door. Tord's excess of strength and Tom's lack of it made the action simple. Tord pushed open the door, and Tom was pushed along with it. "Go away!" Tom yelled. "I don't want to see you! I hate you!" 

"No! Not until I say what I came here to say!" "Well then say it!" Tord walked up to Tom and grabbed his shoulders. Tom blushed. "I am sorry." Tord said. "I am so, so sorry. For everything. I was insane to think that I could do something like what I did, and get away with it clean." Tom looked away. "I could go to jail, no problem. I can handle that. You could call the police if you wanted, and I wouldn't care. But all I want you to do first, is hear me out. You don't have to forgive me, just listen.

"I was insane. I didn't know what I was doing. At first, I came back to see how you were doing. I really wanted to move back in. But I panicked. I don't know why, but I was scared. Of what exactly, I don't know, but I was scared and wanted to cut all my ties with all of you. I wanted to leave and never come back. I wanted to run away. Like I always do. Because I'm a coward.

"And I've always been a coward. I run away from every issue, or let it run away from me before I can fix it. That's why I wanted to come back. I wanted to give you guys closure. A reason why I did what I did. But I'm not justifying it, no. I'm just back to give you closure. I am sorry." 

Tord looked away, and let go of Tom's shoulders. 

"I-I'll go, now. You don't ever have to see this freaky-ass face ever again, Tom." Tord gave a sad smile, and he headed for the door. 

"Wait," Tom said. His eyes were downcast, and his fists clenched at his sides. "Maybe- maybe if you apologize to Jon and Eduardo and Mark," he sighed. "Apologize to them, and- and maybe- _maybe_  I'll forgive you." Tom sighed. He looked up at Tord. "Maybe." 

Tord smiled. 

"Jon was the neighbor that I killed, right?" He asked, smiling faintly. "Yeah." Tom replied. "He was one of the nicest people I've ever met. Also the dumbest." He gave a dry laugh. "He could probably rival Matt!" Tord laughed with him.

They could finally get along. 

Tord opened the door to leave Tom's apartment, smiling nostalgically, while Tom deadpanned, as usual. Tom pulled out his flask, and drank deeply. "I regret this decision immediately." Tord honestly couldn't tell if Tom was being playful or not, he had a serious tone, and a serious face on. He was impossible to read. 

But then again, people aren't books, Tord.

 Tord frowned as he saw his friends piled up outside the room, trying to listen in. They all fell to the floor as Tord opened the door. Tom took another sip from his flask. "Fuck, I'm not drunk enough for this."

Tord took the time to look at Tom. Tom had bags under his eyes. He looked tired. So, so tired. He was in desperate need for sleep. Tord briefly wondered why Tom got so little sleep, these days. Tom was paler, now, too. He had stubble on his chin. I wonder if he'll grow himself a beard, Tord thought. 

For some reason, the last thing Tord noticed was that Tom gained weight. His hoody was even more loose on his body, now. It was probably new, since it was likely that Tom's old hoody was destroyed in the explosion. 

But most of all, Tom looked sad. As in, not happy. He seemed like a deeply unhappy person, now. Not that he was exactly sunshine lollipops before the incident. But he just looked... Even more sad, now. Worse than before. 

Tord knew what Edd meant when he said he broke Tom. 

"What're you starin' at, commie?" Tom asked. "O-oh!" Tord replied, smoothly. "Oh, uhm, n-nothing! I was kinda- uh- spacing out! Y'know! Communist stuff!" Tord brushed it off as nothing, but Tord discovered a huge secret Tom had, just by looking at him. 

Tord fucked him up much worse than he first thought.

\---

"Okay!" Edd said, cheerfully. "Now, the living arrangements!"

The six had been hanging out in Tom's apartment, laughing and chatting about whatever came to mind. The men found out that Matt and Patryk use the same hair products, and that Edd and Paul get along with each other quite nicely. 

Tord mostly stayed quiet. 

"Living arrangements?" Tord asked. "Like, where are you going to live?" Edd said. "Because you aren't leaving us again, right?" Tord froze up. His mouth was dry. He couldn't stay here! He was a leader! He needed to be there for his army! Everyone, including Paul and Patryk, looked at Tord, expectantly. 

"U-uhm... No! Of course not, Edd! I'm not going to leave you again!" Edd heaved a heavy sigh of relief. "Oh, good!" He laughed. 

"Now," Edd said, clapping his hands together. "I think Tord and Tom need to learn to get along!" Matt agreed. Paul and Patryk nodded in sync. "Yes, yes! They fight far too much!" Matt said, his hand on his chin, eyes closed thoughtfully. "They need to learn to at least get along!" Paul said. "My brother, Pay and I are just like these two! I've always wanted to be a better brother than I was, and I know they don't want to hate each other, either! Even if they act like such children at times." 

Tord nodded slightly at this. "I don't  _want_ Tom to hate me!" Tord looked at the smaller man next to him hopefully. Tom glared harshly. Tord scooted away from the tiny, scary man.

"Then," Edd said, grinning deviously. "The solution is... These two must move in together!" 

"Yes! We must move in together- wait- what!?" Tord yelped. "M-m-m-move in? Together?" Tord rambled. Tom drank from his flask again. 

"Definately not drunk enough for this bullshit," Tom said, sighing. 

"It's for your own good!" Edd said. "For my own good?!" Tord asked. "The guy hates me!" Tord gestured to Tom. "I thought you said you didn't want him to hate you." Tord was speechless. "But- ah!" Edd tsk'ed. "No talking back, Tord." Edd sounded like a mother. "It's for your own good!" 

'For my own good, my ass', Tord thought. 'I don't have any good!'

For his own good. 

He doesn't have any good. 


	5. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom has a nightmare about Tord dying again. They're quite normal for him, now, but that doesn't mean they don't scare him any less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched a flipnote on youtube that was really sad. I watched it like, thirty seven times, and I almost cried. STUPID EMOTIONAL SPONGE-  
> ANYWAY. It inspired me to make something really sad.  
> YAY! CRIPPLING DEPRESSION!

  **Chapter: V** **Nightmares On The Reg**

_"I. Am NOT. YOUR. FRIEND!"_

_Tom screeched._

_'Wait!' His mind shouted. But he couldn't stop moving. He couldn't control his body. He couldn't do anything. All he could do was watch._

_Tom watched as the robot exploded, again._

_Edd screamed._

_"Tom!" He yelled. "You killed Tord!" Edd seemed angry. "I- I- Edd!" Tom was scared. "You killed Tord! You deserve to die, you piece of scum!" Edd pushed him back into the rubble of the building. Edd started piling debris on Tom. Tom screamed._

_"Edd stop! Help me! Anyone! Please!"_

_He was genuinely scared._

_"Die, Scum!" Matt screeched back. When did he get there?_

_Tom was suddenly in the hospital. He blinked once, and found himself in the waiting room._

_No one was there except for Tom._

_Tom had a flask in his hands, and his hands were shaking._

_"Mr. Ridgewood?" A doctor called out. Tom looked up. "You may see Mr. Lace, now. He's in room three-oh-five." Tom nodded, heading down the hallway to Tord's room. Tom was as quiet as possible when opening the door, but Tord's head whipped up at the door opening, anyways._

_Tord looked relieved to see Tom._

_"Tom!" He weakly exclaimed. Tord had a breathing mask on his face. He had IVs in his arms. He had a catheter. He had all sorts of medical equipment surrounding him. Tom smiled._

_"Hey, Tord." He said. But his body was moving without permission. He went to hug Tord, who hugged back. "How are you feeling?" He asked. "Oh, peachy," Tord said playfully. "The IVs don't hurt as much as yesterday, and the breathing mask isn't as evil to me, either!" He feigned happiness._

_Tom looked away. "I'm sorry I did this to you." Tord gave Tom a sympathetic look. "Tom, I already told you, it's not your fault!" Tord sighed. Then he gave a loud cough. A loud, hacking cough that sent shivers down Tom's spine._

_Tord all of a sudden had trouble breathing. "I am fine," he said when asked. "I am perfectly fine." His voice was weak, his hands were trembling, and he couldn't sit up on his own anymore._

_Tom walked into the room the next day, and Tom was horrified at the sight he saw._

_He's never seen Tord look so weak, so frail._

_He was laying down, his eyes closed, though he wasn't asleep. He was paler than a sheet, and had dark bags under his eyes. He still had the breathing mask on._

_Tord opened his eyes when Tom walked in. "Tom," he said, his voice was just as frail and weak as the rest of him. Tom tried to smile, anyways. His eyes pricked with tears. He gulped. "Tord," he replied. Tom went up to Tord to hug him. Tord could barely hug back._

_"Tom," he said again. Tord reached to take off his breathing mask. He was panting heavily, wheezing and struggling to breathe. "No," Tom said. He put his hand over Tord's to keep his mask on. "Please," Tord said. Tom looked at the frail, powerless man before him._

_Tom took in his dull, grey eyes. They used to be so full of life. Tom did this to him. This was the least he could do._

_Tord pulled his mask off, and leaned foreward. "Come here," he whispered. Tom leaned foreward. Tord leaned even more foreward, his back almost off the bed, entirely._

_Tord leaned in, and closed the gap. He gave Tom a kiss. Tom could honestly say he was not expecting it. Tom wasn't sure he was okay, anymore. Hell, he didn't even know what 'okay' was._

_Tord pulled away, and smiled. "It's okay," he said. Those were the last words he said before his eyes closed. "Tord?" He asked. The monitors next to Tord let out a loud, continuing beep. Tord's heart stopped._

_People rushed in, and pushed Tom away. "Tord?!" He yelled. Doctors dragged him away, trying to get him to calm down. "Tord!"_

_Tom was suddenly talking calmly to a doctor. He didn't register anything the doctor said after, "I'm sorry. He's dead." Tom panicked. This was his fault. Despite what Tord's last words were, nothing was okay._

_He hyperventilated. He wanted to scream._

_All of a sudden, Tom noticed grass under his feet. He held a bouquet flowers in his hand. He looked right in front of him._

_It was a tombstone._

_'Here lies Tord Lace', it read. It said nothing else. Nobody ever had too many good things to say about Tord, anyways. Including Tom, himself._

_Tom broke down in tears._

_"I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry!"_

_He fell to his knees, and lay on his right side, sobbing loudly._

_This was all his fault._

\---

Tom was awake, now. 

He was in tears, shivering, curled in a ball on his right side. 

Tord walked into his room. 

"Tom? Are you okay- Tom!" Tom launched himself at Tord, crying into his chest. "You're alive!" He sobbed. "You're okay!" Tord was surprised at this sudden action. Tom seemed desperate, to him. "Tom?" He asked. "Are you okay?" Tom debated answering his question truthfully. "No," he answered. "In fact, I'm far from it. So far, I don't even know what okay is, anymore!" Tom fell to his knees. 

Tord sat on the ground in front of Tom, and smiled sadly. Tom looked up at Tord. Tord opened his arms up, inviting Tom to a comforting embrace. Tom accepted it gratefully. 

Tom cried into Tord's chest, and Tord just let him. Tord held the somewhat smaller man to his chest, as if he were protecting him for all he's worth. It felt like he was. 

Tord didn't know why Tom was crying, but he figured that Tom would tell him when he felt ready to. 

Soon, Tom was on the verge of sleep. Tord carried Tom to his bed, and turned to leave, but Tom grabbed his wrist. "Don't leave, Tord." Tord winced at the desperate tone in Tom's voice. "Please, stay. Don't leave me again." Tom's grip ion Tord's wrist tightened sightly. 

Tord turned around, and looked at Tom. 

Tord petted Tom's head, and smiled. He climbed into bed with Tom, and held him to his chest as he slept. He wasn't going to leave again. No way, not again. This didn't mean nothing to him. 

\---

Tom woke up to Tord holding him to his chest. He blushed immensely. He needed a drink. Now. 

He needed to get drunk. To forget Tord. To forget last night. To forget the nightmare. To forget in general, really. Just to forget everything. He wanted to stop thinking. 

~~_Even if not thinking leads to bad decisions._ ~~

~~~~Not that those decisions did anything, anyways. Drinking wasn't how he coped. He just liked alcohol. He just liked food. He just liked the knives. The way they sliced at his skin so carelessly, doing what they were instructed, cutting what was needed, and leaving whatever was left behind.

Tom wished he could be like a knife. Sharp and cold and emotionless. Hard-headed and cruel, and useful. 

Tom got out of bed, and went to get something other than these 'pajamas' on.

He took off his black yoga pants, and the faded band-tee he'd been wearing, and that left him in his boxers. Tom walked into his closet. He looked around for clothing to wear, and then found himself looking at the scars on his body. 

Some were newer. They were pink and red and fleshy, and some were still bleeding, sometimes. Others were older. They were thin and white, long and horrible. Some were deep. Deep enough to leave a scratch on his skin, even after the scar was healed. 

All of these scars littered his thighs. He put them on his thighs because they wouldn't be seen as easily. Plus, you did have a major artery, or whatever, there, right? So if he wanted to, he could- 

"Tom?" 

Tord stood in his closet. Tom was now on his knees, hunched over, shaking. Tom stood up and turned around, forgetting what he was trying to hide. 

His underwear covered most of what was on his legs, but pieces from his hips peeked out from under the waistband. He still had scars on his wrist. A few here and there on his neck, even. 

Tord gasped. 

Tom tried to cover himself up, but to no avail. 

"No! Get out! I'm changing!" Tom's face was bright red, and was hoping, praying to the Gods he didn't believe in, that Tord didn't see the scars. He just wasn't ready for anyone to know. For anything to happen. 

Tom turned his back to Tord, curling in on himself, trying to cover his body up. "Out!" He yelled. "Out! Out! Out!" Tom them started throwing whatever was in reach at Tord. Tord finally ran away, hoping to not get hit by an angry Tom. Tom slammed the closet door shut, and slid down the back, panting heavily. 

He breathed a sigh of relief. Thank whoever is up there he didn't see. Or that he just didn't mention anything. 

\--- 

Tom wore his trademark blue hoody, and some black jeans he found, along with his 'stay safe' t-shirt. 

He went to make himself a mug of coffee in his 'don't mug me' mug, reaching to a nearby bottle of Smirnoff, planning to put some into his coffee, therefore, making it a much better drink for Tom. 

And good God, did Tom need a drink. 

"I'm sorry," Tord said, behind Tom. "For walking in on you while you were changing, I mean." Tom turned around, waiting for his coffee to brew. "It's- it's fine, really, I guess I'm just super embarrassed at how much I seem to have let myself go, huh?" Tom gestured to his beer-belly, chuckling a little. Tord chuckled back, a bit. "Yeah," he said. 

There was a long pause before anything was said. Tom continued making his coffee, pouring a small bit of Smirnoff into the mug. 

"About last night," Tord said gently. "Oh," Tom said. Tom set his mug down on the counter. "I, uh, had a nightmare, of sorts. It really freaked me out, I guess." Tom barely remembered the nightmare. Just that Tord died, and he was crying on his grave. And that Tord kissed him. 

"I just wanted to ask, y'know, to ask if you were okay? You seemed pretty shaken up about it." Tom gave a shaky smile. "Yeah, I'm much better, now. I barely remember it, actually." Tord smiled. "As long as you're okay," Tord looked at Tom, smiling gently, whilst rubbing at the back of his neck. 

Tord exited the kitchen, leaving Tom to his alcoholic coffee. 

As long as he was okay. 

Or he pretended to be. 


	6. What If I Told You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom thinks about just how much he felt he didn't deserve for Tord to be so nice to him.  
> He didn't deserve it.  
> But, the problem is, should he tell?  
> Is he ready to tell?  
> Would Tord see him differently?  
> And would that be such a bad thing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I posted this by accident, again, and my phone is an asshole, and won't let me take down the chapter!! Forgive, please! You're gonna have to bear with me and my strange and cryptic notes for a hot minute, 'kay?

**After Nightmares and Tired Thoughts**  
  
Tord walked out of the kitchen, while Tom stayed. 

Tord could feel Tom's gaze on his back. He sighed. He knew something was wrong with the man, but he wanted Tom to tell him himself. 

He sighed and sat on the couch. It was no use just asking the eyeless man. He would say he's fine. No one, not even Edd, could get answers out of this guy. He had a strong, stubborn heart, armored in steel. Tom, a man after Tord's own heart. 

Tord had the same kind of heart. It was tough, more like impermeable. Unable to get hurt because he didn't let anything get to him. 

So why did he care?

Did he care?

Tord could see burn marks on his face, and scars on his neck, and this morning, too. Scars all over his body. Tom tried to cover himself up, but Tord still saw the scar on his chest. 

From his left shoulder, to his right hip. 

Scar on his left arm, just below the shoulder. There were still stitches. It was a deep, deep cut.  
Tord heard Tom groan from the kitchen. 

"Fucking arm!" He yelled.  
Tord walked in the kitchen, to see Tom struggling to lift his arm. Tord noticed it was his left. Tord noticed Tom hardly used his left hand for anything at all, these days. And it likely wasn't just because Tom wasn't left handed.

"Tom?" Tord asked.

Tom whipped his head around so fast, that it could've given him whiplash. Tom glared at Tord, harshly. "What do you want?" He growled. "You come to laugh at me, 'cause I can't move my arm?" Tom turned away, glaring at the ground.   
"No, I- Tom why would you think that?" "Oh, I dunno, 'cause you hate me?!" Tom yelled. It was clear he wasn't in the mood for talking. "I came to help you, actually." Tom seemed surprised, so Tord kept talking. "I wouldn't make fun of you for a problem we both have." Tord gestured with his left hand to the robotic arm attached to his shoulder. Tom looked away, again, just glaring at his empty coffee cup.   
Tord walked up to Tom. "What did you need to grab, Tom?" Tom put his coffee cup down. He looked up at Tord, and glared. "It's nothing." He said, his voice sharp and tone harsh. Tom put his empty coffee cup in the sink, and walked away.  
Tom began walking out of the kitchen before stopping to turn around. "I'm gonna take a shower. Don't bother me for an hour, or two."

Tom walked away without another word.

Tord was honestly surprised.

\--

Tom heard the front door shut. Tom took a large gulp from his flask, and sighed. Sighing was something he seemed to do a lot, lately. Probably due to his depression. 

He sighed again. 

He was cold. He wanted to be warmer. Tom took another drink.  
He took off his hoody, and observed the light scars on his wrist. He had scars all over him, now. Burns, cuts, you name it. He hated every single one of them. The ones he inflicted on himself, that is. 

He deserved the ones that he got from the fight.

Tom took off his shirt, and observes his chest for the thousandth time. His scar was healing pretty well. For a huge scar across his chest, that is. He traced his fingers along the path. It was rough, and it kind of tickled when he did that. He didn't laugh.  
Tom took off his jeans, next. He could see the tips of deep scars peeking out from underneath the waistband of his boxers. He saw scars on his knees, and his legs. He saw scars everywhere. Lots of them were burns. The skin of scars was thicker than that of non-scarred patches. He begged to differ. It felt thinner, and it hurt more when those pieces were poked, or scratched. Especially on his head. He hated the scar on his head. 

That scar was healing well, too. Tom hated it. The rough, green-brown-red gunk was all gone, now. He's scratched away the scabs with ease over time. The dissolvable stitches were almost gone, too. If he remembered correctly, there were about fourty stitches in his head. 

Tom walked into the bathroom attached to his bedroom, (thank the Gods he didn't believe in), and turned on the faucet. He wanted to take a long, hot shower. He didn't like cold ones. 

They were just too... Cold.   
He reached his hand under the stream of water. Satisfied with the temperature, he climbed in, and just stood. The water felt nice on his back. It was a sort of warmth that you couldn't get from turning the fan off, or from sitting in front of a fire. This was a kind of wet heat that could only come from a nice, hot shower. 

He leaned into the warmth, never wanting to be cold again.   
He hummed in content. He felt like this was the only happy place he had, the only place he was sure no one would bother him.   
All of a sudden, he wondered what it would be like to fall in love, like, really fall for someone, hard. To one day look at someone, and know that is his soulmate. To fall in love, and never want to be with anyone else ever again. 

Because right now, he didn't feel satisfied.   
He wondered if he ever would be satisfied. If he would fall in love before he died. He sighed, wondering what it would be like when he was married. What would she look like? What would she be like? Would she be his opposite? Or would they be the same? Would she like video games? 

How would she put up with him?   
Tom sighed. "I'm never going to fall in love..." He pouted, slightly. "And if I do, it'll probably be one-sided, or something. No one can put up with my crap." He tried to perk up. "But that's okay, I have Edd and Matt. I don't need love, I just need my friends." 

That didn't make him feel any better, unsurprisingly. 

He sighed again.   
'I wish I could stop sighing all the damn time', he thought. 'I'm kind of tired of being sad, too.' But he couldn't do anything about it. Anti-depressants didn't do anything. Ever since the 'incident' with Tord, he's gone on every feel-better-soon pill there is, and nothing helped. The pills just made him angry and aggressive, and he couldn't do anything about it. 

He couldn't do anything about anything.   
The small smile trying to fight it's way onto his face fell, and he felt tears prick his eyes again. "I'm useless," he groaned. 

He washed his hair, and got out of the shower. The mirror was fogged up, and he couldn't see his face. He grabbed a hair-dryer and turned it on, turning the air-flow towards the mirror. Soon, he could see his face again, and he didn't like it. 

His eye-less sockets were empty, black voids, as per usual, and every time he saw them, he felt a little worse inside. 'Why can't I just be normal?' He thought. 'Stupid eyes, stupid fat, stupid hair.' He pinched his side, pulling the fleshy piece of fat away from his body, before wincing at the pain. 

He felt his fingers on the scar across his chest. He broke seven ribs. He punctured a lung, too. That's why he couldn't breathe. He was okay now. 

No he was not. 

He often thought he would never be okay. 

He often thought about killing himself. 

He often held a blade to his wrist.   
Or held a noose around his neck.  
He often thought that Edd, and Matt would be better off without him. Maybe if Tom never existed, then he never would've become this evil person. Maybe he just would've been a nice guy, who wasn't an evil communist that felt the need to take over the world.   
Tom stood in front of his bathroom mirror, towel around his waist, for a long time. 

Long enough for his skin to dry, and for his hair to just be clumpy and damp. 

He didn't want to style his hair, today. 

He felt tired. 

He wanted to go back to sleep. 

He yawned, and walked out of the bathroom. He dressed in the same clothing as earlier, and then he lay on his bed. He yawned. "I need a drink." He reached to his nightstand, grabbing a half-full bottle of Smirnoff he didn't even know was there, and taking a nice, big gulp of the alcohol. He drank until the bottle was gone, and then decided to take a nap. "I'm tired," he said aloud. He closed his eyes. P

He let himself fall into a deep, deep sleep, black surrounding him.

  
**(Author's Note)**  
I apologize for spoilers from this chapter, it was accidentally posted and my phone wouldn't let me take down the chapter. I couldn't do this story on my computer because that old thing is a broken piece o' shet.   
I will finish the chapter in my notes, then copy and paste it here.   
I apologize, again, for any inconvenience my asshole of a phone may have caused you. If I do things correctly, then the finished version of the chapter should be up later tonight.   
Sincerely,  
ThePotatodactyl

P.S. I am also sorry that this chapter is shorter that the others, and that it took so long ;-;" I have kinda been busy with life, (yes, I have one. It's small, but it's there.) I work as an artist, and I am trying to keep up with a specific order I have, and I can't stop being obsessed with Alexander Hamilton, (blame my best friend, Josephine, aka Jo without the 'e'). TT^TT I am trying to keep up with this, trying to keep a good schedule, and it's hard!! I don't want to have ro put this work on hiatus! I love you guys too much for that! I'm sorry, you guys! >^<"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, you can now find me on Tumblr as ThePotatodactyl, I know, original, right? I'm starting a new blog for TomTord shit, too, but it's got, like, two posts be I'm new to blogging, and kinda anted to step out of my comfort zone, and try something new ;u; I'm a little bit proud.  
> Go easy on me, since, again, I'm new to bloggin' and shit.  
> I take requests here, as well as on Tumblr, too, so if you want to request something, some art, (NSFW or otherwise), fanfic, again, (NSFW or otherwise), or if you just wanna ask a question, go ahead! I'll be happy to reply.


	7. Let Love Bleed Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One hour.  
> One hour.  
> One hour.  
> Five minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was partially based off of somebody comics tha I don't know the original artists of, sorry!  
> ALSO.  
> HEY IM NOT DEAD.

**Three Spoken Reasons Tord Had To Live With Tom And One Left Unspoken Part: II**

Tom stare blankly ahead, tired, but he didn't want to sleep. No, he was too tired to sleep, now. Tom sat in his bed, thinking about nothing, once again. He was too tired to think about anything. He was too tired to sleep, because that makes sense. All he wanted to do was listen to his music, or maybe even play some. He just wanted a moment alone in the shade. He was tired. Tired of everyone worrying about him. Not that it seemed Tord worried too much about him. Other than that one night, when Tom had a nightmare. He didn't look into it, too much. He wasn't gay, or anything. And even if he was, he wouldn't lust after someone like  _Tord._

Tom sighed. 

Tom was tired of sighing.

He ran his fingers through his hair again. He needed a shower. His hair was greasy and dirty. He felt dirty, and greasy and messy and ugly, and he just wanted to wash all that dirty ugliness down the drain. Music played in his ears, but he didn't know what was playing. He didn't pay too much attention to what he was listening to, anymore. He forgot lyrics to his favorite songs because of this. Tom turned to lay on his side. He curled up into a small ball, making him look even smaller, (not that he was small, or anything. He was _normal fucking sized. Not small_ ). Tom lay on his side and he just wanted to cry. He didn't like his life, and he didn't want to think about it. His injuries were nothing, compared to Tord's. He has a robot arm, for fucks sake! So what the hell is Tom complaining about? He's lived with Tord for about three weeks, now, and not once has Tom heard him complain about his arm. Tord was actually quite calm and quiet. He was like a turtle. You didn't really know he was there until he somehow gets left on the counter, and knocks over the plate of spaghetti you wanted to re-heat in the microwave. He was just a Tord-le, if you will.

Tord did make a lot of visits to the neighbor's house. He went to see Paul and Patryk. They were together, as Tord explained to Tom. They wanted a nice, small place to live, and they were thinking about getting a pet. Maybe a small dog, or something, since the complex was animal-friendly. Tord sure did talk about them a whole lot. He must really like them, then. Tom was suddenly jealous of Tord, even though he had the same type of joyous, healthy relationship with Edd and Matt. Maybe it was the way that Paul, Tord and Patryk all seemed like the were in some sort of polyamorous relationship, or how they all seemed to comfortable, so trusting around each other. Maybe it was because they were touchy-feel-y? Tom didn't know how to explain it, but the relationship between those three apparently required a whole lot of physical contact, and sometimes, it made Tom a little uncomfortable. It made him squirm in his seat, and he looked away because that feeling was jealousy crawling up his throat, making him want to scream, and run away. 

Tom didn't even notice the tears streaming down the side of his face. He was just tired of it. He wanted to fall in love and be happy and all that stupid shit that everyone else in the world wanted, but no one could handle him. No one could handle Thomas Ridgewood. No one liked him, no one actually loved him. No one would spend eternity with him. 

Even Edd and Matt's would leave him eventually.

Tom sighed, and succumbed to the deep, dark feeling of sadness and depression that suddenly started pouring over him, like a big, black blanket of cold darkness, and sadness. He grabbed a nearby pillow, and held it to his chest, and he cried into it. He curled in on himself even more, and just wanted to disappear, to somehow implode, or have the depths of his bed just swallow him whole, and never let him out, so he could die, alone and tired of living, just as it was meant to be for him. 

Tom noticed the beginning of one of his favorite, haunting, melancholy songs playing. Hotel California, by Eagles. He listened, carefully, catching the beat, and tapping his fingers. He hummed the tune a little to try and calm himself down, a bit. But the tears still pushed out of his sockets, and he didn't feel any calmer. He sighed again. He curled in on himself, even further, if possible, and just buried his face into his pillow. 

"Hey Tom?" Tord opened the door, and knocked, doing so in that order, (which made Tom kind of frustrated, because you were supposed to knock, first, not last, you idiot). "Edd's wondering if you wanna go- hey!" He walked further into the room. "Are you even listening?" Tord was obviously irritated. He didn't like not being listened to. Tord walked up to Tom, who's back was facing Tord's. "Are you sleeping?" Tord muttered under his breath. Tord put his hand on Tom's shoulder. Just as Hotel California faded out of Tom's ears, he jumped up, and pushed Tord away, throwing a non-descript object at Tord, trying to get him away. "Get out of here, you stupid commie bastard!" He yelled. Tom could here Edd and Matt's voices downstairs, hushed and worried. Tord pulled his hand away, and jumped back as he saw Tom's state. 

Tom was hunched over, on his side, obviously trying to implode, or something like that. He had tears streaming down his face, and his hand was pulling his hair and scratching his head, yanking his fingers through the greasy strands. Now, Tom was facing Tord, but doing his best to not look at the other. Tord was genuinely worried, now. He felt a little bad for bothering Tom while he was just in his head, at a pity-party no one else was invited to. Though, it wasn't clear Tom shouldn't be alone, right now.

Tord looked around for anything that might help, when he spotted Tommee Bear. Tord grabbed the small, unibrowed teddy, and handed it to Tom, who hugged it to his chest, along with the tear-soaked pillow in his arms.

Tord sat down, next to Tom, who moved away, to the floor. Tord lay on Tom's messy bed, his knees bent, his head hanging off the side of the bed. Tom wiped his tears away, and pulled his hood up, trying to hide his face, still. 

"So," Tord said, breaking the fragile silence. "Wanna talk about it?" He asked. Tom grunted, hugging his knees to his chest, along with Tommee Bear. "I dunno," Tom replied, quietly. "That's okay, then," Tord replied. The two sat in comfortable silence, tears still making their ways down Tom's face. Tord didn't miss a single one. Tom sighed. "I feel like my life is a joke," his voice trembled. "If it helps," Tord said, turning to lay on his stomach. "I don't think you're a joke," Tord nervously put his hand on Tom's shoulder, and Tom looked at him. Tom had more tears growing in his 'eyes', and his face contorted into one of pain and regret. Tom was nearly sobbing at this point. 'Did affection just make it worse?' He thought. Tord's train of thought completely stopped, along with every normal function in his body, (including breathing), as he realized the fleshy, lanky things that suddenly wrapped around his head and neck were Tom's arms. 

Tom just cried into Tord's shoulder, and Tord, at a loss for words, and brain-function, just  kinda let him. He seemed like he needed this. The physical reassurance, rather than the simplistic, verbal 'I'm here for you', crap. Tord honestly felt a little better, just hugging it out with his worst enemy. 

"I just- I hate this," Tom shakily whispered between tears. "I hate constantly, I- I don't know, I just hate my life, and I don't know why, and everything hurts." Tord nodded. "I know, Tom," He reassured. "I know that feeling, all too well." Tom just held on tighter. "Everything hurts, and I don't know why, or even, what, exactly is hurting, and it's- it's just- I'm just some fat loser with a brain injury, who can't do anything. It's been strongly advised that I stop drinking, and I can't even do that! I can barely move my arm, and I hate physical therapy, and I just hate everything!" He cried harder "I'm just a fat loser," Tord pulls Tom away from the hug at hearing those words. "Tom," he stated, looking Tom straight in the face. "Stop." Tom was confused. He cocked his head to the side, just a little, and wiped his eyes. "Stop thinking like that. You aren't fat, you're just chubby. And who doesn't like chubby people?" Tord smiled a little. "Why are you being nice to me?" Tom asked. "Because," Tord replied. "Maybe I am just tired of hating you. Maybe I just don't want to hate you, anymore. Maybe I want to, I don't know, uhm, be friends?" Tord said the last sentence as a question, rather than a statement. "But I'm just a fat loser," Tom whined. "Bull shit!" Tord yelled, causing Tom to wince. Tord started to speak in a quieter tone. "You are a chubby winner." He poked Tom in the chest. 

"But I suck!" Tom tried. "Yeah, yeah," Tord said in a mock-bored tone. "I bet you swallow, too. That's not the point." Tom's face turned bright red. "My point is," he said. "Is that you are an okay guy, once someone tries to get to know you, so stop thinking like that. You're only going to feel worse." Tom looked away from Tord. He whimpered, slightly. "Tom," Tord said, lifting the other's chin with his thumb and forefinger. "Tom," he said again, when Tom looked him in the eyes. "Stop it. You aren't a joke, you aren't a loser, you're cool. Cool in my book." Tord smiled, and Tom cried, again, this time, though, it wasn't something akin to full on sobbing. 

Suddenly, footsteps were heard running up the stairs, and Matt and Edd burst into the room to see a sight they'd likely never see again. Tord was sitting on Tom'a bed, and Tom was practically in his lap, crying into his shoulder. Neither of them knew how or when they got into such a position, but they were. And all Tord knew, was that it made Tom feel better. 

Both Tom and Tord's jumped at the sound of Tom's bedroom door slamming. Tom actually let out a slight squeak, and held onto Tord even tighter. Matt and Edd let out heavy sighs of relief, and smiled. "We heard screaming and crying and thought someone was dead, or something," Edd said. He smiled wider. Matt pulled out his phone and took a picture. Tom's face turned redder, and he attempted to hide it in Tord's chest. Tord, in turn, became red enough to make a strawberry jealous, and tried to cover his face in a combination of his hands, and Tom's hair. 

 "ANYWAYS!" Tord yelled, startling everyone in the room. "I came to ask you," Tord pointed at Tom. "If you wanted to go out for ice cream?" Tom blushed a little bit.  "With Edd, Matt and I?" Tord clarified. Tom thought it over for a fee seconds, then decided, yeah, he could go out, get some sunlight. Vitamin D is good for you, and God knows Tom is lacking it. So, Tom nodded. "Yeah, I'll go," He smiled. Tord smiled back. "Good!" Edd said, clapping and smiling brightly. "Tom! Get some pants on before we leave!" Tom blushed. He looked down at his bare legs, and realized he was wearing only his boxers and his hoody. His face turned even redder, and he covered it with his hands. "Ahhhh!" He squealed. Edd and Matt just giggled, and walked out of the room, leaving Tord and Tom alone together.

"So," Tord said. "You going to get off my lap?" He asked. Tom's face flushed, and he pushed Tord's torso backwards, and jumped off of his lap faster than Tord had ever seen. Maybe he would make a good addition to the Red Army, after all. As long as he was flustered, that is. Tord chuckled at the thought. "What's so funny?" He asked. Tord shook his head. "Oh, nothing. Just you being you." Tom never did find out what he meant by that. 

Tom, Tord, Matt and Edd were all at the local ice cream parlor, ordering. "I'll have Mexican Vanilla," Tord said. "I'll have what he's having, sounds good." Tom said, gesturing to Tord. "I'll have the," Edd paused. "I'll have the Mint Chocolate Chip flavor!" He grinned brightly. "I will have," Matt concentrated on the ice cream menu. "I'll have strawberry, please!" He smiled at the woman behind the register, and she just shyly smiled back, tucking some of her black hair behind her ear. 

They watched as the 'professionals', as Edd called them, scooped up the ice cream, and tossed them onto the cones. Edd seemed incredibly fascinated by them. "Maybe I'll get a job at the ice cream parlor, if they need to hire again!" Edd exclaimed after he got his ice cream. Tom smiled. "Maybe you'll get a sort of 'employee discount'!" Tord's heart fluttered a little at the sight of Tom smiling. It was a slightly pained smile, but at least he was trying. Tom got his ice cream from the man behind the glass, and said a quiet thank-you. The man winked at him, and Tom blushed madly. Soon, everyone had their ice-cream, and was eating away happily. 

Everyone was just in a giggly kind of mood, smiling non-stop, and laughing at the most ridiculous things for no reason at all.

Suddenly, Tom was practically ambushed by a pack of squirrels, and he dropped his ice-cream on the ground. He had a couple of scratches, here and there, but for the most part, he was okay. If you didn't count his eyebrows. He really didn't want to talk about it. Everyone was just so surprised by the sudden randomness of the whole situation, that they didn't know what to do. So they all just laughed. Tom was a little disappointed that his ice cream fell on the ground, but he was fine. He hadn't had a single bite of it, yet. 

"Here," Tord offered Tom some of his ice-cream, since they had the same flavor. Tom suddenly laughed a little. It was the first, genuine laugh that had come out of Tom's lips all month. Even the giggly mood he was in wasn't even really causing him to give out real laughs. But this,  _this_ was a real laugh. Tord didn't know why Tom was laughing, but not Edd, nor Matt seemed to be paying attention at all. They were busy being a cute couple, or something.

Tom was full on laughing, now. It made Tord want to kiss the man across from him right then and there. Speaking of kissing, Edd and Matt were now doing that. Tord was a little jealous of them, that Edd and Matt were a happy couple, and neither Tom nor Tord were either happy, or a couple. "What's so funny?" Tord asked. Tom whipped out his phone, and took a quick picture of the Norski. Tord was highly confused, until he saw the picture. Tord had a somewhat confused look on his face, and all over his face, was Mexican Vanilla ice cream. Just little chunks around his lips, here and there. Tord started giggling a little bit. "I'm changing your contact picture to this photo!" Tom giggled. Tord playfully whined. "Tooom!" He said, dragging out Tom's name. "Nooo!" He made a mock attempt to grab Tom's phone, but failed, as it was only a mock attempt. 

"Tom," he said. "I swear to God." But Tom could see the grin stretching across his face, little by little. Tom smiled back. Tom giggled again, looking at the photo. "You know," Tord began. He blushed a little as Tom looked at him. Time for some subtle flirting. "You have a nice laugh." Tom blushed. He didn't even try to hide it. Tom looked away, blushing, and he smiled shyly. "Yeah," he replied, his voice quiet. "It's been a while." Tord's heart fluttered at the sight of Tom like this. He seemed genuinely happy, and it made Tord's heart swell. 

Tord attempted to walk forwards, but he tripped on his untied shoelace, instead. He seemed to jump five feet in Tom's direction. Tom was only three feet away from Tord. Tord ended up smashing his ice cream into Tom's face. Tom squealed as ice cream fell into his eye sockets, and gave him quite the literal brain freeze. "Ah!" He yelped. "Coldcoldcoldcold!!" He was quick to grab a napkin, and he wiped his face to the best of his ability, while Edd and Matt just sat back and giggled, and Tord tried to say sorry in two different languages. At the same time. "Ah! Dritt! Kjærlighet!" He yelled. "Jeg har en dårlig dag, I'm having a bad day," he sighed. 

Tom and Tord had made it back to their apartment in a much better mood than earlier. Tom seemed to be smiling genuinely, and Tord had his arm wrapped around the other's shoulders. 

Though, upon entering the apartment, Tom's mood seemed to go downhill, but only slightly, as far as Tord could tell. His smile was dimmer, and his eyes weren't as wide. Tord internally panicked. He wanted Tom to be as happy as possible, all the time, but he didn't know how to cheer him up. Tom sat on the couch, and took a sip from his flask. Tord noticed it wasn't as big a sip as usual, but it was pretty close. Tord sat next to Tom, and grabbed the TV remote. He found a news channel, reporting some terrorist called the 'Red Leader', but Tord panicked, and changed the channel quickly. Tom looked at Tord strangely. "U-uhm," Tord stuttered. "I don't like the news?" He tried, and it seemed Tom bought it. He looked away. "I don't really like the news, either. Always talking about the most dramatic things. We don't need that stuff! We have Matt!" Tom joked. Matt was a pretty dramatic person. 

Tom soon fell quiet. 

Tord was facing the TV, pretending to watch some episode of The Children he'd already seen. Suddenly, though, he muted the TV, and turned out Tom. 

"Tom," Tord said simply. Tom turned to look at Tord. "Hm?" He replied. "Are you okay?" Tord asked genuinely. Tom tried to keep a straight face, but seeing the serious look on Tord's face, he just broke a little bit. Tord saw through the cracks. Tom frowned deeply, and all of a sudden, the energy around him seemed... Strange. Like his aura, or some hippie shit, it just seemed... Darker? More volitile, more depressed, and sad. The sudden change in Tom made Tord's heart shrink, and for a moment, he forgot how to breathe. 

Tord looked at Tom with an expression that showed pain, and pity. Tom glared. "Don't look at me like that," Tom turned away and crossed his arms. "Like what?" Tord asked. Tom looked at Tord, only to see his sad, pitying face again. "Like that!" He almost yelled. "With those- those eyes!" Tord only grew more worried for Tom. "Stop it!" Tom felt tears well up in the corners of his eye sockets. "Stop that," he started crying, now, and Tord reached out for him. Tom looked at Tord, and Tord only gestured for Tom to come into a, hopefully, comforting embrace. Tom pondered going into the welcoming hug, currently being offered by a man who may as well just be the devil in disguise. Apparently, Tom accepted, because the next thing he knew, was that he was in Tord's arms. Tom was in Tord's lap, now, crying into the red-clad man's chest. Tom clung tightly to Tord's hoody, and Tord loosely wrapped his arms around Tom. Tord shushed Tom like a mother would a crying child. Tord buried his face in Tom's hair. It was surprisingly soft, albeit greasy, and smelled like pineapples and Smirnoff.

 

It's been a week since Tom crawled into Tord's lap and cried. 

Two days since he found out his mother had a heart attack and went into the hospital. 

One hour since he found out she died in the hospital. 

One hour since he threw his phone out the window of his car.

One hour since he went to the liquor store to buy Smirnoff; the kind with the blue label.

One hour since he got home.

Fourty five minutes since he locked himself in his room.

Fourty minutes since Tord starts knocking on his door, asking if he was okay.

Thirty five minutes since Tord started slamming his fist on the door. 

Thirty five minutes since Tord threatened to call nine-nine-nine.

Thirty minutes since he drank three bottles of Smirnoff, the kind with the blue label. 

Thirty minutes since Tom threw up on his bathroom floor.

Thirty minutes since Tord called nine-nine-nine.

Thirty minutes since he found pills and a razor. 

Thirty minutes since he thought about taking the pills and cutting too deep. 

Ten minutes since he took the pills. 

Five minutes until he cut too deep. 

One minute until Tord burst in and found Tom on the floor, covered in vomit.

One minute since he ripped everything out of Tom's hands. 

Thirty seconds until Tord grabbed Tom and hugged him, telling him everything was okay, the ambulance would be there soon. 

Ten seconds until Tom weakly leaned forwards and put his lips on Tords.

And everything will go black in five seconds. 

Five. 

Tom falls back on Tord's lap, his eyes closing. 

Four. 

Tord screams at Tom to wake up. 

Three. 

The paramedics burst into the room, taking Tom away from Tord. 

Two. 

Tord screams at Tom, crying and begging him to wake up. 

One.

Tom is gone. 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT THE END! I PROMISE. I AM SO SORRY FOR HURTING YOU LIKE THIS.  
> (No I'm not)


	8. It's Over, Isn't It?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

>   
>  Different in every possible way.  
> They complete each other.  
> \--  
> A re-telling of a single life, through the coma-dream of a sick man.  
> \--  
> This chapter is mainly a coma dream Tom has after OD'ing. Not a whole lot of things are resolved in this, it's mainly just me being lazy, and I just wanted to write my own telling of what happened with Tom's life, but like, a blend of Cannon and Fannon.  
> I just wanted to also write that Tom didn't really hate Tord, he just... Hated Tord? I don't know it's three a.m., and I need sleep. I have somewhere to be tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY LOOK WHO'S NOT DEAD. ON THE OUTSIDE.  
> Yo it's me! Sorry I haven't done ANYTHING. I was just busy with the holidays, Chanukah and Christmas, (yeah, my family celebrates both), and the New Year. IT'S 2017 BITCH. EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL. GOODBYE 20-FUCKING-16.

**It's Over, Isn't It?**

Tom cried a lot. He was just a baby, after all. 

But, it seemed he cried at everything. Everything made him sad. He didn't know anything, and any time anything happened, anything new or different, it made him sad. It seemed that he was just a blue little boy. 

As he got older, he stopped crying as much, and began to show emotions in other ways. He began to eat. He gained weight, and he couldn't stop it. It was just how he managed to cope. It was how you could tell something was wrong. He wasn't hungry, he was upset. He was sad, depressed. And now, he was just too old to cry. The only way for him to smile, was for all of it to just stop. He wanted it to stop. He didn't know how to make it stop, so he ate. Soon enough, he was over-weight, and his mother began to worry. He told her he was fine. 

He was not fine. 

He was a blue boy, sad and lonely, just trying to breathe. Just a small bird who couldn't fly without the help of the people around him. But, as luck would have it, no one seemed to want to help him. So, he did only what he could, and uselessly flapped his wings in an uncoordinated manner, trying to fly, trying to be amazing like everyone else. 

Too bad he wasn't amazing. 

He managed to get a computer, though, and he managed to smile at that. He typed in dirty words and then 'dot com' afterwards, resulting in lots of trouble from his parents. He had a lot more fun than he actually let on, though. It was the strangest things that made the boy smile. One day, he was scrolling through what little bits of the Internet that existed, and he found a website called 'Lock Legion'. That website made him happy. He made animations with his avatar, dubbed 'Evil Squidge', 'squidge' being the term that everyone at school called him due to his weight. He used it to his advantage, though. He thought he could work with this, build himself a life, make himself happy again. Or, at least, less sad, in a way. He honestly thought he was doing fine. 

Then he met Edd. 

The day he managed to befriend his favorite animator in the whole world, was probably the best day of his life, and he didn't even know it. He never knew how such a boy could impact his life so much. He thought Edd was just someone who befriended him because he felt bad for him. Because that's what he needed. A pity friend. But Edd was no pity friend. Tom and Edd hit it off, and became friends almost instantly. Sure, they had fights, 'lovers quarrels', as his mother called them, jokingly, but never full on fights. It was the strangest friendship the two had, but it worked. 

For a long time, even before Tom met Edd, Tom wanted to be an animator. He wanted to be one more than anything in the world. So, he created 'animation tests', like stupid animations. Just silly little things like giant sharks with legs going to eat pieces of buildings, and eyes moving around. But, eventually, he realized that he wasn't actually good at animating, and gave up on his dream alltogether. 

But Edd. Edd was an amazing animator. Not really, actually. He created stupid ninja fights, and things like that that were actually really bad. But to Tom, they were incredible, and Tom wanted to make sure Edd was able to do what he couldn't. That made Edd happy. It made Tom happy. 

Soon, Tom made more friends. He befriended not only Edd, but a guy named Matt, who, even in those days, was incredibly cute. Tom also met someone named Tord. Tord was an oddball, to say the least. That's probably why Edd liked him, and kept him around. Tord had this dark, strangely shaped hair that Tom was never sure if he styled it like that, or if it was natural. The four of them joked that it was natural, and that Tord was the spawn of Satan, and everyone, even Tord, laughed along with them. But Tom and Tord never got along, really. Edd tried to get them to get along, but it never seemed to work. It seemed they were always pushing each others buttons, trying to get on each others nerves. Intentionally goading the other whenever possible. 

This was the start of an odd relationship. 

Tom was smart. It was IQ that got him into the school he was in at the time. He was smart, and he was a nerd. He played video games, but got a little bullied for that, mostly because if you played video games in those days, you were a nerd. If you were a nerd in those days, you got bullied. Tom got bullied. He got teased, people would throw things at the back of his head in class, tape 'kick me' signs on his back, and even the occasional swirly. Because of his predicament, he ate. He ate and ate and ate, despite knowing that Edd was going through the same exact thing, and wanted to help him. Tom managed to cope by eating food, and it made him feel better. But it was incredibly unhealthy for him. His mother got worried, his father got angry, and the doctors just wanted to help. Tom slowly became a pessimist who hated life.

Tord wasn't as smart as Tom, it seemed. But Tom didn't know just how smart Tord was, mostly because Tord didn't speak a lot of English. But Tord was actually very smart. He knew a whole lot more than he let on, just letting people think he was dumb so he could fool them in the end. Tord got teased and bullied for his funny accent, and got called many different, horrible names for not being able to speak fluent English. But unlike Tom, Tord didn't cope with food. Tord fought back. He teased the bullies right back, using all of his small knowledge of English to aid him in his battle. It caused some funny scenes when Tord didn't know an insult in English. Tord couldn't speak very good English, but damn did he excel in English profanity. He spoke nasty swear words that not even Tom knew the meanings of. He fought like a badass, and swore worse than a sailor. That's why Tom thought he was actually kind of cool, but he would never admit it out loud. 

Matt was vain. He loved his looks, and so did the teachers. He used his charms to get out of many situations, failed tests, detention, chores, killing Tom's father accidentally by giving the bear a gun. Matt wasn't that smart. He used big words that he didn't know the meaning to, just to sound smarter, because everyone loved a good-looking smart guy, right? A lot of people thought Matt was niave. He was. He was niave, and many people used him because of that fact. Almost every time Matt got into a relationship, it would end very badly for him, with Matt getting seriously hurt, and the other person walking away without a scratch. Matt had actually been severely depressed for a long time because of this. Edd, Tom and even Tord managed to help him through it, though. Matt got better. But the problem with Matt, was that he didn't have a coping mechanism. He didn't know how to handle being hurt like that, and every time be broke up with some slut, Tom, Edd and Tord all had to talk him down. They had to help him. The last time he got into a real romantic relationship, age sixteen, he vowed to never fall in love ever again, so that he wouldn't get hurt ever again. It's only human to want to avoid pain. But Matt fell in love again. He ignored those feelings, repressed them, and forgot about them. He pushed them down, and pushed them down until he didn't know who he was anymore. He only had his looks, and he would use people just like they used him. Edd, Tom and Tord didn't think it was good, and tried to stop him. It never worked. This went on for many years. But Matt still had fallen in love.

Edd was an optimist. He was happy, and was always trying to make the best of a bad situation. Tom knew Edd had a small crush on Matt when he was younger, but it had only escalated from there. Every time Matt was hurt, Edd did everything he could to make him happy without revealing his feelings for him. Edd almost kissed Matt more than once. Tom knew this. Matt and Edd got sent into the closet whilst playing 'seven minutes in heaven', and Edd told Tom everything that happened the next day. Matt and Edd sat inside the closet, and Edd was doing everything he could not to admits his feelings for him right then and there. Edd actually cried in Tom's chest the next day. Tom actually had himself convinced he was in love with Edd for the longest time. But soon, the crush faded away, as he knew he could never love him that way forever. Tom felt he could never love anyone that way forever. Edd also loved to draw. A whole lot, too. He made silly comics about his friends, and they all went on 'Edd-ventures' together. The four of them were tight, even though Tom and Tord never got along that much.

And that was their group. 

A depressed, blue boy, and boy who couldn't speak very much English, but was a badass, anyways, a boy who was vain and beautiful and hurt, and an artist, who just wanted to fall in love. None of them were happy by themselves, but they were happy together, and that's what mattered. They thought they could never be separated, and, it seemed, they never would be. 

And they weren't. 

Tord violently attacked whoever tried to hurt his friends, Tom just kinda sat back and watched, Edd would sometimes cry, due to physical pain caused by assholes, and Matt just tried to make sure his face was alright the whole time. Tom loved his friends. 

Soon enough, the boys were older, ugly teenagers. Well, except for Matt. Matt was always handsome, and puberty only treated him well. Everyone else, however, got gross. Tom had pimples, intense body acne that he hated more than anything else. He also got these braces that were HORRIBLE. They hurt his teeth, and gave him headaches more often than not. But, he got used to them. Edd was pretty okay, he got glasses and braces, and pimples, too. Matt never had a blemish on his skin, but Tord had a few here and there. A few forehead pimples, but he was okay. Tord used to be shorter than Tom, but puberty wanted to cuddle Tord, and instead of keeping him short so Tom could make fun of him, Tord got tall. Almost as tall as Matt, who was incredibly tall at the time. Fortunately, Tord didn't get much taller than that, while Matt did. So did Edd. Edd got tall, too. Matt was the tallest out of all of them, Edd coming in close second. Tord was normal sized for a guy, but Tom fell a few inches short. Tom was about a head and a quarter shorter than Edd and Matt, but was only three fourths a head shorter than Tord. And it seemed like it would stay that way for a long time. 

They were happy.

The day Edd had discovered he had gotten cancer was incredibly scary. Edd hadn't posted anything for a long time, hadn't spoken to his friends for a long time. Edd was getting chemotherapy. He had leukemia. Blood cancer. He wasn't happy about it, but he looked on the bright side. Or, at least, he tried. He managed to get the information to Tom, Matt and Tord, who were genuinely scared, and weren't afraid to show it. They visited in the hospital, and saw Edd, wearing a hospital gown, laying in a hospital bed, smelling of hospital chemicals, and hospital things. He was bald, his skin pale, he was tired, but his brown eyes lit up at the sight of his friends, and everyone just kind of melted at that sight. A cancer kid happy to see his closest friends. 

Tom was terrified that Edd would die. He wouldn't know what to do if Edd died. It was scary. Cancer was scary. The whole damn world was just so damn scary. Edd was at the hospital for a while, while Matt, Tord and Tom tried to make due without Edd, who, now more than ever, seemed like the leader of the group. Those three were nothing without him.

The three were all hanging out at Matt's house, not doing anything, really. They were all just sitting in Matt's room, on his bed, staring off into space. To be honest, though, the three of them didn't actually want to do anything else. They were scared, everything was becoming unfamiliar in this world. The only thing that made them feel better was the mere presence of something, or rather, someone familiar. The three were familiar with their friends, and the presence of the three, even if Tom and Tord despised each other, made them feel better. So, they Sarnoff in silence, enjoying the silent company.

Tom and Tord were alone at Tom's house. Matt was sick. Tom was scared both Matt and Edd were going to die. Tom and Tord sat on Tom's bed, staring off into space. Suddenly, Tom felt tears stream down his face. "Tomas?" Tord asked, snapping Tom out of his thoughts of death and destruction. Tom took one look at Tord, and just hugged him. Tord was too surprised to say or do anything, and he just let it happen. "I don't want Edd to die," Tom cried. Tord suddenly hugged Tom back with everything he had. He felt a few tears flow from his eyes. The hug felt nice to the both of them. They really needed it. They ended up falling asleep like that on Tom's bed. Tom's mother found them like that, and nearly squealed. She took a picture. Tom never found out that his mother took a picture of that. Maybe he never will.

Soon enough, Edd was okay again, and he was let go from the hospital. Edd's hair grew back, and his bangs managed to make it to his eyes again. Tom wondered how he was able to see through his thick, brown hair. 

Then, everyone got the experiences that came with being a teenager. Matt was the first to loose his virginity, of course, being the hottest of the group. He lost it to the hottest girl in school, who he took to prom. They were voted prom king and queen because that's how it worked back then. Stereotypical. Tord was the second to loose his virginity. He didn't say much about it, but said it was someone he liked. No one knew who this person was, and no one was ever able to prove Tord had actually lost his virginity when he did. Edd never told anyone much about his sex life, but Tom knew. Tom and Edd were both super-duper nerdy virgins who were afraid of girls and hung out with the guys they've known for years. Edd finally lost his virginity to a girl he liked, the girl he dated, and then the girl he was dumped by. Tom was the last. He was incredibly sexually insecure, though Edd, Tord and Matt tried to give him the courage to talk to girls. The comfort and support he got from his friends didn't really help, and he ended up losing his virginity to a fucked-up girl he didn't care to remember the name of. He didn't like her anymore, and she was bad news. 

 When Tom graduated high-school, along with his friends, and Tord, he went off to college. Edd, Tom, Matt and Tord actually all went to the same college. It was in these days that Tom discovered drinking as another coping mechanism. 

Tom drank because of the feeling the alcohol gave him. He loved it. The taste was strange. He wasn't entirely sure whether he liked it or not the first time he tried it, on New Years. But, he drank it anyways. Champagne. He would definitely be drinking it again. He loved the way he just got so drunk. He didn't care about anything, and life seemed great when he drank. Except for when people argued with him. Then he got angry. He would fight people, and more often than not, one of his friends had to drag him from the bar and take him back home. 

One time, Tom wasn't angry, he was just drunk. He was loopy, and not very smart, but he was smiling, and his face was red, and he hiccuped every other word. He was giggling, and he didn't really want to move at all. This was, of course, after Tord dragged him home from the bar. Again. Tom was in his dorm room. He flopped onto his couch, and turned on the TV with a decent amount of difficulty. Suddenly, a movie came on. It was Insane Zombie Pirates From Hell II. Tom like these movies. They were pretty good, actually. Stupid, but good. Tord stayed a little while to watch the movie. He'd never seen any of the IZPFH movies before, so he was naturally curious. 

"You've nev-" Hic. "Never seen these movies?" Tom asked. Hic. Tord shook his head. "Com-come sit o-" Hic. "Over here, T-" Hic. "Tordy Lordy." Tom giggled. Hic. "Don't call me that, Jehova's." Tord retorted. "Y-" Hic. "You're a fuck- fuckin'- fuckin' Jehova, Commie," Tom so wittily replied. Tord snorted, and sat down in front of the sofa. Luckily, it was the beginning of the movie, and neither of them had missed too much of it with their exchange. Tom sat up in his seat, crossing his legs on the sofa. Hic. He giggled as he gently put his head on Tord's. "So soft," he sighed. He buried his face into Tord's hair. It kind of smelled like fruit. Strawberries? 

"Tom," Tord interrupted Tom's drunken train of thought. "Stop it, you're messing up my hair." Tom shook his head. Hic. "No," he said. "Hmm, strawberries," he sighed. Hic. 

Tom awoke the next day with a bad hangover, and he was sort of cuddling with Tord? He nearly screamed at the realization that the arm wrapped around his waist was Tord's. The both of them were kind of weirded out by the situation, and things were a little awkward between them for a few days. Weeks. 

Tom had a lot of fights with Tord. He didn't want to fight him so much. In fact, he kind of hated fighting. Sometimes, the fights would get physical, they would punch eachother, and kick eachother, and... Well, that never ended too good. 

Tord and Tom fought a lot. But there was one thing the two always avoided when fighting each other. Tord never called Tom fat. Not once. Tom never exactly figured out why, but the word 'fat' was never directed at Tom by Tord. Tom never insulted Tord's homeland, Norway. He never knew why, but he knew he just couldn't do it. Maybe it was because of how much Tord missed Norway. He talked about the place every chance he got. He would tell his friends about the food, the culture, the people, even a little bit of the language. Saw how Tord's eyes lit up when he talked about it. He always told his friends that if he ever got the chance, he would show them. In real life, too. Just show them the beauty of his birthplace. Everyone saw how his eyes lit up when he talked about the place. It made his give a genuine smile.

His genuine smile wasn't a huge smile, it wasn't magnificent, it was just a smile. It was small, and seemingly insignificant. But when it was on Tord's face, everyone could tell. He was truly happy. 

Tord could draw really well, too, like Edd. He didn't really like to draw his friends in a cartoon-ish way, like Edd, but he did like drawing in the style of anime. Tord loved animes, and was addicted to hentai. And a person with a love for hentai, plus a God-given talent for drawing should never be a mix. It's never good. Tom has accidentally seen too many things. 

Though Tord loved the drawing style of anime, he also had other styles. He had his own style that he came up with through years of experience. It was cartoonish, but with a mix of detailed anime, and whatever Tord thought up. It was just so... Tord. 

Tom never thought about these things, but these were the few things Tom kind of liked about Tord. He was different, and really strange and weird, but weird made things kind of fun, too. 

Tom never would never admit it, but he really liked Tord's thick accent that stayed with him, even through all these years of living in the U.K. Tom guessed that he just refused to let go of a big part of himself. It just seemed to be who he was. He wouldn't really be Tord without his thick, Norwegian accent, would he? Tom always thought that Tord's hair was kind of weird, but it was just so Tord, that it made sense. He honestly couldn't imagine his enemy having any other hairstyle in the whole world. Over the years, Tom noticed that Tord had blue-ish grey-ish eyes. He liked them. He like looking at Tord's eyes. But he couldn't do that when Tord was staring back at him. Tord never thought his eyes were anything special, but Tom liked them. He'd never say it out loud, though. 

Tom never really thought about why he hated Tord so much. Maybe it was because he kept pushing his buttons, like no one else? He never had the chance to think real too hard about that. Thinking made him want to drink. He was never drunk enough to comprehend thoughts of Tord. He wasn't exactly sure he wanted to be, either. 

He always thought that maybe, maybe he could've been friends with Tord. In some alternate universe? Or something? There were plenty of things that's Tom liked about Tord, but there were just far too many that he hated with a burning passion. Maybe he could've tried something different? Done one things differently? Maybe if he hadn't let Tord get on his nerves so badly? Maybe if he walked up and said hello to the new, foreign exchange student? Invited him to sit at his table with his friends? Maybe things could have been different. 

But Tom was stupid. He decided to hate the new kid, and drown his sorrows in food and alcohol. 

Oh, how he wished he could do it again. Change everything, redo his whole life. But what's done is done. He couldn't change anything. He wouldn't change anything.

\---

The room was small. It had three people in it. Two were patients, the other was a visitor of one of the patients. One of the patients was young, though unhealthy, the other was old and withered. 

Tord sat at the edge of Tom's bed. He would never forgive himself if he just sat around and let this happen. He sat around, and let Tom drug himself to the point of overdose, and now he was in a coma because Tord didn't see the signs. He squeezed his eyes shut. He realized just how fortunate he was at that moment. He had eyes. He had something to protect, and protecting it made him happy. But now, the thing he was trying to protect was damaged, horribly, and he didn't know if it would ever get fixed. It's all his fault. 

It's over, isn't it? 

Tord gave a dry laugh. 

A song from a silly cartoon Tom was a little obsessed with. Steven Universe. Tord had heard that song quite a few times in the past few months. It was a melancholy song about a love, lost. Tord realized the similarities between the situation Pearl was in, and the situation he was in. Except, there was a small chance that Tom could live, where Rose Quartz, in a way, had kind of died. 

Tord sighed. 

"It's over, isn't it?" He sang. He gave another dry chuckle. "Isn't it? Isn't it over,"

Tord felt tears stream down his face. 

"It's all a game," Tord said. "It's a game, and it's all over. It's over, isn't it, Tom?" Tord's shoulders shook. "I fucked up your life, and now you're gone. I lost the game." Tord put his hand in Tom's, and his shoulders shook violently. 

In a strange moment of tears and hope, Tord thought he felt Tom lightly squeeze his hand. Tord squeezed it, and the hand seemed to squeeze back. Tord whipped his head up so fast, he could've gotten whiplash. Tom was staring at him, his not eyes were half lidded, and tired. Tord gasped. 

"I'm not gone, yet, Commie,"


	9. James Dean And Audrey Hepburn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom wakes up, and spends a bit at the hospital with Tord.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished watching all the Lord Of The Rings movies, it's one-a-fucking-m, I'm not editing this, and I am tired, but watching Frodo get his finger bitten off by Golem made me all inspired and shit, and now I curse my mother for being a LotR nerd.  
> Oh, yeah, I think I broke something in my foot, too? Like, I ran down the staircase, then my ankle, like, went forewards, and only the ankle. My mom's closest friend, who was supposed to be taking me to the park with her daughters, and my little brother and sister, could hear me screaming in pain from her car!? Like what the actual fuck!? I was that loud!!?!??!?!  
> So yeah. My foot is a swilled, bloated, painful mess, and I'm too fucking iNSPIRED TO FUCKING SLEEP THANKS MOM, and I just wanna relax.  
> That was my day. Hope you enjoyed my pain!  
> Good night, internet! (Not)

**Reasons for Forgiving**

"Tom!" Tord held onto Tom tightly, never wanting to let go. Tom didn't know what to do. Suddenly, Tord let go, and looked at Tom right in his not eyes. "Why the fuck did you  _do something like that!?"_ He practically screeched. Tord had fat tears falling down his cheeks. "I'm so glad you're okay!" He hugged Tom again. He suddenly pulled away. "No!" He shouted. "I am supposed to be  _angry_ with you!" He put his hands on Tom'a shoulders. "Why. The fuck. Did you. Do that?" He said. "You had us all so worried for you! Hell,  _I_ was worried about you! I hate you, and I was scared you were going to die!" Tom looked away, guilty. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. Tord cried harder. "No! Don't apologize, Tom! I should not be so hard on you! You were- were scared, and hurt, and you were tired, I know." Tord smiled genuinely. "But know this, you are a chubby winner." Tom smiled a little at this, and Tord smiled wider.

The former suddenly leaned foreward, and cupped Tord's chubby cheeks in his hands, (the ones on his face you sick fuck), and leaned forward. Tord blushed a little, and froze. He was quite surprised that Tom wasn't going for a kiss. Instead, Tom put his nose to Tord's hair, and inhaled as long and hard as possible. Strawberries. "The _fuck_  was that, Jehova's?" Tord asked. "Why do you always smell like strawberries?" Tom replied, ignoring the question. Tord cocked his head to the side. "I smell like strawberries?" He asked. "Since when?" Tom thought for a minute. "As far as I know, since," he paused. "College?" His answer sounded more like a a question. Tord was officially confused as fuck, but sighed, and shook his head anyway. "What am I going to do with you, Tom?" He said. "Whatever you end up doing, don't make me watch hentai." Tord laughed. "That is exactly what I'll do with you!" Tord shot his finger in the air, looking playfully determined. Tom mock-whined. "Nooooo..." He trailed off. "Not the hentai..." He laughed a little. "Hentai is awesome!" Tord shouted. "No, no it's not!" Tom blushed a little. "Tentacle porn!" Tord shouted. "Ew, no!" Tom cringed, and jokingly pushed Tord away. That suddenly put a thought into Tom's head.

Way back when the four of them were teenagers. Did Tord actually loose his virginity then? Tom didn't know why this was a thought in his head, but it was. He didn't really remember anything from being in a coma, other than it seemed like the best sleep of his life. Really, he's never felt better rested! "What is it, Tom?" Tord asked, startled by Tom's lack of tuning into what he was saying. "Just a... Strange thought, I guess?" Tom replied, still a little out of it. "What thought?" Tord asked, curiously. Tom pondered telling Tord his strange thought, but before he knew it, "Just back when you lost your virginity in high school." Dammnit, he replied. Tord blushed. "Why, exactly...?" Tom pondered this for a moment. "I don't actually know?" He asked. "I think I might have had a weird coma dream, and I just don't remember it?" Tom suggested. "So I suddenly get the strangest memory flashbacks at the weirdest of times," he added, smoothly. Tord nodded. "Okay...?" He was a little confused, and didn't really follow Tom's train of thought. 

Tord hadn't called Matt or Edd, yet. It's been a few hours, doctors came and went, but it all seemed like a big blur of events to Tom. He was kind of tired, but he didn't want to sleep. No, not yet. He actually wanted to spend time with his worst enemy, but didn't know why. He just took comfort from where he could get it, no questions asked. It was probably for the best.

Tord was laying next to Tom, his arms behind his head, as Tom's were by his sides. "How long?" Tom asked, breaking the comfortable silence. "How long what?" Tord questioned in reply. "Was I in a coma?" Tom finished. Tord looked away, up at the ceiling. "Oh," Tord said. "The doctors said you might be out for as long as a year." Tord began. "Matt was worried that you'd die, Edd was worried that you'd stay alive, but would never wake up. I didn't know what to think. It had happened so fast, and you were in my arms. I was confused, and scared, and I thought that- that I would never see you again, that I would- would-" Tord's voice began to break. "I was scared that I'd never get to tell you- tell you-" Tord took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "Tell me what?" Tom asked. Tord paused, and blushed a little. He continued looking at the ceiling. "Tell you that- that I never thought of you as an enemy," Tord mumbled. Tom looked at Tord, despite the latter being too embarrassed to look back at him. "R-really?" Tom blushed a little, and smiled nervously. "Yeah..." Tord said. "But you were out for a while, actually," Tord continued on, straying away from the tangent. "Four months, actually." Tom's not-eyes widened. "Four months!?" Tom cried. Tord nodded. "Y-yeah," 

The whole conversation seemed to make Tord uncomfortable, and Tom just didn't know what to think. "Tom?" Tord asked. Tom looked up at Tord, and hummed once acknowledgement. "Hm?" "What did it mean?" Tord asked. Tom was confused, but before he could say anything, Tord continued. "What you did before you blacked out for six months flat. What did that kiss mean? Were you trying to say something, but you missed my ear? What did it mean?" Tom thought back to everything he did before everything went black. He remembered that his mother died, thanks, Jesus. He remembered getting drunk as hell, then taking some pills from the medicine cabinet. He remembered the way the knife felt when he sliced his skin. 

He remembered how Tord's lips felt on his own; how they were so, so soft. Tord didn't kiss back, of course, he was probably in shock. But Tord's lips were so, so soft, and smooth. They didn't fit together perfectly, like two long lost puzzle pieces, like love stories say, and he didn't taste like everything sweet, and candy and happiness. In fact, Tord kind of tasted like... Salad? Green olives? Healthy things? Tom knew that would be an acquired taste, but he figured that he could get used to it. He wouldn't mind kissing Tord again. 

"What did it mean?" Tom repeated. Tom thought. "Well, you kind of tasted like hentai, from what I remember, and we weren't, like, two missing puzzle pieces who finally found eachother," Tom began. Tord was thoroughly confused though, he chuckled at the hentai comment, and let Tom speak. "But I... Didn't hate it?" Tom said. "I, um, I think- I think I- uhm," Tom began rambling. His coherent sentences began turning to word-vomit. "I uh, I kind of, maybe, if you want to, just maybe a little bit, if you're okay with it, of course, maybe we could um-," Tom began rambling, his voice becoming higher pitched, and lighter with every word. His face turned a little redder every second, and he pulled his shoulders up to his ears. Tord stared at Tom, a bit confused. "What?" He asked. Tom looked at Tord, blushing hard, then, he squeezed his eyes shut, and practically squealed out, "Maybe I want to kiss you again!?" Tom turned even redder as soon as he had registered what he had said, and began hiding his face with the hospital blankets. Tord blushed, looking at Tom, shocked that he would suggest something like that. He smiled a little. It was a nervous smile, but a smile, nonetheless. 

"Okay, Tom," Tord said. Tom looked up from his blanket prison, face like a baboon's ass. "W-what? Really?" Tom stuttered out. Tord nodded. "Sure," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "If you want to, I guess- whoa!" Tom suddenly had his arms wrapped around Tord's neck, and he leaned in. Tord kind of liked it when Tom did that. It was strange, and unexpected, but in a good way. Tom's chapped lips connected with Tord's soft ones, and they were both astonished. It was unlike anything else either of them had experienced. Tom thought he liked it the first time, when Tord didn't kiss back, but now that Tord was, Tom was in awe. Tord tasted like vegetables, and healthy things, and Tom probably tasted like whatever the 'hospital' flavored Jellybean from the 'Beanboozeled' challenge might taste like, (not a really Jellybean), but it seemed to fit, anyways? The both of them enjoyed it; Tom's dry, chapped lips, against Tord's smooth, and soft ones.  The way their lashes mingled together felt more than perfect to them.

"Tom! You're awake!" Someone said. Tom and Tord turned to face the entrance to Tom's room, and saw Edd and Matt staring, astonished. "And you're kissing Todd?" Matt asked. Tom jumped out of Tord'd lap, though he didn't know when he got there, exactly, and he again, tried to hide his face in a blanket. Tord turned beat red, and rubbed the back of his neck, looking away, while Tom tried not to panic. "You two need some... privacy? Or something?" Edd questioned, gently. Tord's face turned even redder, and Tom tried not to scream and run away. "I-I- um- Tom and I- We were just- um, y'know," Tord stumbled over his words, looking everywhere, but Edd and Matt, with a nervous smile on his face. "PLAYING TWISTER!" Tom suddenly shouted, intelligently, grabbing the attention of the three other men in the room, and scaring a poor, old nurse out of her wits just outside the open doorway. Good thing Tom's 'roommate' was a coma patient, (though, that scream could've made Sheriff Thompson turn over in his grave).

"Right," Edd said. The amount of doubt and sarcasm that laced his voice made it seem as if the sentence itself were a physical entity, laced in a thousand doilies made of doubt and sarcasm. "And I bet that round involved lots and lots of 'lip-locking'." Matt joked. Edd chuckled. "Yeah, what, did the spinner land on 'Left hand, Tom's ass?" Edd and Matt laughed. Tom's face grew redder still, until finally, Tord spoke up. "Yes, actually." Tord smirked. Tom, confused, took his blanket from his face, and looked back at Tord. Edd and Matt stopped laughing for a second, and looked at Tord, in all his spiky-haired, hentai-loving glory. Tord picked up Tom, and put him in his lap, the hospital gown making it slightly awkward, but he made it work. Suddenly, Tord's left hand was on Tom's ass. Tom squealed like Miss Piggy, and Tord leaned in for another kiss. "Okay, yeah, Tom's awake, that's nice and all, but we're going to go, now. Have fun!" Edd grabbed Matt's hand, and led him towards the door, but not before Matt let out a loud, "But not too much fun!" 

Tom heard, and hid his face in Tord's chest, panting from the kiss. "Are- are we a- a- like, a 'thing', now?" Tom asked. Tord pondered this for a moment. "If you want to be...?" Tord asked in reply. Tom looked at Tord, making 'eye-contact' as well as he could when he had no eyes. "Um..." Tom said. "Yes...?" Tord looked at Tom with a disapproving look. "What?" Tom asked. "I want you to be sure, that's all." Tord stared. "Fine, then!" Tom stated. Tom slowly crawled off of Tord, leaving the former thoroughly confused, and then Tom stood up. "Yes, I am one-hundred-million-trillion-GAZILLION percent sure! I want you and I to be a- a- a 'thing'!" Tord smiled as Tom put quotes around the word 'thing'. "I like your face, and I think your hair is weird, and more often than not, it bothers me. I think your accent is really cool, and you're also, like, way smarter than me! Your lips are really soft, and your hair smells like strawberries! Fucking yes! I want to date you!" Tom started at Tord, pointing at him in a way that reminded Tord of an anime character. A small crowd had gathered around the doorway to see what was causing this ruckus, and surprisingly, when Tom finished his elegant soliloquy, the crowd applauded. Tord gasped, and then smiled. Tom held out his hand, and pulled Tord up, so that Tord was taller than him, as per usual. "Be my boyfriend?" Tom asked, quiet and nervous. "Well," Tord said, grinning. "I've got nothing better to do!" He laughed. Tom laughed with him, and the crowd applauded, still. Tord picked Tom up by his chunky waist, and spun him around in circles, whilst pressing their noses together. "This is really fucking cheesy," Tom said, laughing. "But you love it, anyways," Tord replied. "You know that anything slathered in cheese is automatically an antidepressant!" Tom grinned wider. 

This was them. They were perfect. They were happy. Nothing was wrong, and nothing could keep them apart. At the same time, nothing could keep them together. The two of them were destined for love, and hatred, and passion, glory, for there was no escaping the red strings of fate. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really tired, as I mentioned before, so please excuse any mistakes I make in the story. Ian very forgetful, and I can only update at night because off my busy schedule •-•"  
> I also don't have a beta reader to help me edit shit, sooo I might have to go back and fix random mistakes every now and then... SORRY!!


	10. Teddy Bears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom's mother's funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just re-edited this chapter, in the original, it said the funeral wasn't open casket, and that Tom was in a coma for six months. I changed these things because when I wrote this, it was night, since that's the only time I can update.  
> Now, of course, Tom was only once a coma for four months, mentioned in the previous chapter, and Tom's mother is now in an urn.  
> Sorry for any confusion, I don't have a beta reader to help 8^8

**Mexican Vanilla**

Tom was released from the hospital three days before his mother's funeral. 

It didn't rain, despite what movies would say.

Tord put his hand on Tom's shoulder as they walked to the tent with heavy hearts. 

The funeral was outside. Tom hated funerals. Tom couldn't stand to see his mother like this. He walked up to what's was left of her, hands shaky, eyes downcast. Tom saw the beautiful designs on the urn. He imagined what she would look like if her body wasn't burned, if her body hadn't decomposed, if he had just woken up earlier. In his thoughts, her skin was soft and she looked beautiful. Tom's lips trembled as he struggled not to cry. He bit his lip, and let out a choked sob. He leaned forward, and Tord let go of Tom's shoulder. Tom gently held the urn in his hands, not picking it up. Tears pours down his cheeks. "Mum," he whimpered. "Mum I'm so sorry." He whispered apologies to her ash corpse, while Tord stood, scared about what he should do. He put a shaky hand on Tom's shoulder, and the latter slowly stood. He still leaned over his mother's urn, and he said, "I'm sorry, mum." He wiped some tears from her urn. "I'm just not ready for you to leave." Tom looked at what was left for a few more moments, before turning back to Tord. "Let's grab ourselves some seats," Tom said, as if they were at the cinema, and not at a funeral for his mother. Edd, Matt and Tord followed him with worried eyes. 

There was a speech. One from almost everyone in the room. Tom's was bitter. He loved his family, sure, but he hated all of this religious talk. He detested it. He wanted it to stop. Tom wanted to make a speech, but he hadn't written one down and memorized it. He didn't even have a single thought about what he should say. He was scared that he'd make a fool of himself in front of all these people. Edd, Matt and Tord stayed silent, and Edd rubbed Tom's back as tears streamed down his face. 

He didn't want to talk. 

He didn't want to be here. 

He wished that he couldn't feel anything at all. 

The speeches were soon over, and Tom hadn't said a word. He just shook, and cried, and everyone was okay with that. Tord grabbed Tom's shoulder, squeezing it tightly, showing silent support. 

Tom, Matt, Edd and Tord walked outside the tent, and sat on a nearby bench, as the funeral was outdoors. Tom's chest heaved, and shook, and his voice broke when he tried to speak. Tom was crying again. "Make them stop," Tom said. Tom's hand was next to his left leg. Tom stared ahead, his expression blank as he cried. "Make the tears stop." Tom's lips went downwards, and more tears poured down his face. Tom's pinkie found itself making contact with Tord's hand. Matt and Edd looked at each other worriedly. Tom didn't look at Tord, or anyone, and he just stared ahead, quiet, shaky sobs wracking his body, more and more violent every second. Tord looked a their their hands. Their pinkies were wrapped around each other's. Tom began grabbing Tord's hand, lacing their fingers together and squeezing tightly. Tom let out a pained cry, and more tears flowed from his eyes. Tom had began to force out loud sobs, and his hand tightly held onto Tord's as he stared straight ahead into the sky, trees, and the rest of the cemetery. Tom leaned towards Tord, his head softly colliding with the other man's chest. Tom curled up, holding his hand tight enough to break it, if he so desired. Tom's eyes were squeezed shut tightly, though tears still pushed their way through the flesh. Tom's chest heaved for air, and pushed it out with such a force, that Tord could have felt his breathing from a mile away. Tord didn't know what to do. It seemed the only thing _anyone_ could do right now, was sit, and let Tom cry. Everyone needed a good cry every once in a while, right?

It was late when the four got back. They were all wearing their suits, still. After the funeral, everyone took Tom to the ice-cream parlor they went to before this whole mess.

They stopped inside, tear tracks still on their faces, and ordered Tom some Mexican vanilla ice cream. It was late, and the place was about to close, but they made it just in time. The cashier kind of stared and silently wondered why they were in suits and why they were crying, but he didn't question it. It seemed like they were in a rough situation and that would've been rude. Tord got strawberry flavor, Matt got mango, and Edd got mint. They ate quietly, telling each other anything they thought would make Tom laugh. It didn't always work, but he definitely appreciated the effort. They left soon after entering, but this time, they just took the ice cream along with them. They ended up walking all over town, just seeing things they hadn't ever seen before. They observed, watched, saw sights, ate foods, and just sat quietly together, enjoying the company of the others while one was in a time of desperate need. They took pictures, and watched birds chirp and feed their young. They went all over town, seeing places they had never been to before, even finding an antique shop they had never seen, and buying some strange items; Edd bought a typewriter just because he thought it was cool, and maybe wanted to see if he could use it one day. Despite the funeral, Tom might say that this was one of the best days of his life. He would be lying if he said it wasn't fun, or somewhat happy, at least.

The four of them said their goodbyes and left for their apartments, Matt and Edd going into Matt's apartment, and Tom and Tord going back to theirs. Tom found a movie on the shelf called 'Coraline', and they put it on. It turned out that it was one of Tom's favorites, and Tord had never seen it before. It was a stop-motion animated horror(?) movie with an amazing gibberish soundtrack done by the Bulgarian children's choir. Tom added in bits of information as the movie went along, and since he's seen it so many times, he spoke along to the script, seemingly knowing almost every word. It astonished Tord that someone could watch a movie that many times. Tord was surprised by the ending, but by that time, Tom was alreayd asleep. Tord smiled and turned the television off, and curled up with him on the sofa, falling asleep in only a few minutes. 

 


	11. In The Name of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now Tord's just being cruel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My hand is falling asleep, but I'm not.  
> \---  
> //suddenly, Undertale  
> I needed something kinda cute, so... Tord and his magnificent muscles.  
> And I'm just being good lazy af

**Tord, the Evil Love Monster**

Tom awoke on the couch, still in his suit. It was really wrinkled, now. He rubbed his empty eye sockets, and yawned. Tord wasn't on the couch with him like he was last night. Tom groaned, and sat up, stretching his tired limbs. He raised his arm in the air, and pulled it upwards, sighing at the nice feeling. Tom took off his blazer, leaving him in his dress shirt, and pants. And aparently he forgot to take his shoes off, too. Seriously, who the fuck sleeps with their shoes on? Tom stood up slowly, to avoid headrush, but he still got it, anyways. He put his hand to his head, and the area where his eyes would be began to hurt. He suddenly lost his vision, and his legs became weak. Tom began to fall on his knees. "Tom!" Tord ran to his side, catching him before he fell. Tord helped him up, and Tom muttered a thanks. "G'morning, Tord," Tom said, looking at the man he now called his boyfriend. "God morgen, Tomas," Tord replied with a smile. The smile was strange on Tord's face, but thankfully, it was a good kind of strange. Tom smiled back at him. Tord was wearing pajamas. That sneaky fucker.

Tom smelled something good, all of a sudden, and he forgot about the pajamas. The scent emitted from the kitchen. Tom followed his nose, Tord trailing behind him, still smiling, and giggling a bit. "You notice I'm making bacon for breakfast?" Tord asked. Tom nodded, his mouth watering. "Give me bacon!" Tom grinned wider. Tord snorted. He served Tom a plate with four strips of bacon, two eggs, and two slices of toast. "Thank you!" Tom said, gratefully taking the plate. "I am usually a bit of a health-nut, these days, but," Tord paused. "I will have some bacon with my boyfriend," Tord blushed. He liked the way the word 'boyfriend' rolled off his tongue. "'Kay, and I'll have some boyfriend with my bacon!" Tom giggled, thinking himself clever to mix up the words like that. Tord blushed, and Tom leaned in for a kiss. Their lips met for a second, just a 'good morning' peck on the lips. "You taste like bacon," Tord said, grinning. "You taste like hentai," Tom replied, smirking. They both giggled, and dug in even further to their food. 

Tom later changed into pajamas, as well, so they could both match.

Tom and Tord were alone, today. Both Matt and Edd had day-jobs to get to, and neither Tord, nor Tom had a job. "I should get a job." Tom said. "'Cause I need money to pay for alcohol." Tord snorted. "We both need jobs," Tord replied. Tord suddenly reached for his laptop on the coffee table in front of him. "Maybe I can find something on the internet." Tord typed something in, and began browsing. "You do that," Tom said. "No hentai." He stated immediately after. "What?" Tord whined. "Not even a little?" "Not if you want me to eventually replace that laptop," And that was that. 

Tord found a few jobs here and there, a librarian was needed at the local library, they were hiring at a nearby fast-food restaurant, a firefighter, and a local Starbucks. "I need something easy, like Starbucks, or the librarian one." Tom said. "Yeah, lets face it, you aren't going to do any physical activity any time soon. You are far too lazy." Tom snorted. "'Far too lazy'," He echoed. "I on the other hand," Tord gestured to himself. "I need physical activity." Tom looked at Tord, confused. "Really?" He said. Tord was wearing a long sleeve shirt, but Tom didn't exactly see how he was 'cold'. "Yes." Tord replied. "I thought it was obvious?" Tom shook his head. "What do you think I'm doing when I leave the house?" Tom shrugged. "I always thought you were with Paul an' Patryk, or something." Tord thought this over for a few seconds. "Well you aren't wrong. I go to the gym with them almost every day!" Tord smiled. "The gym?!" Tom seemed honestly surprised. Tord nodded. "So, you have like muscles, an' stuff?" Tom seemed curious and excited. "Yes...?" Tord said. Tom was practically shaking, well, more like vibrating slightly, but constantly. "Do you want to... See them?" Tom grinned, practically drooling. "Yes," he whispered. Tord blushed, and smiled awkwardly, as he looked away, and took off his shirt. 

God damn. 

"God damn." Tom stated. 

Tord was practically a fucking body builder under his loose-fitting clothes. Tom's eyes widened. Tord had a rock hard chest, and rippling abs. Tom gently put a hand to Tord's chest. Tord blushed a bit more, and stared at Tom's hand. Tom was in awe. "This is awesome." He stated. "You are like, perfect in every way possible." He only spoke in amazed whispers. "I'm not that great," Tord said, blushing a bit more. He was honestly not used to this kind of situation. To be honest, Tord was a bit pudgy himself before he left the first time. Then he left, started an army, and gained muscle instead of fat. Tom, however, did the opposite. Tom slowly removed Tord's laptop from his lap, and replaced the empty space with his body instead. "You are really fucking hot, you know that?" Tom said, grinning. Tord blushed. "I'm not that good-looking, really, I'm just a guy, y'know?" Tom grinned wider. "Just a guy who looks incredibly hot with his shirt off, like, damn, bitch, you're fine!" Tom wrapped his arms around Tord's neck. Tord's face was similar to that of a tomato. Tord giggled nervously, silently wondering where this would lead, and decided to wrap his arms around Tom's waist, and play along. "Oh, really?" Tord asked, becoming puckish. "Oh, really," Tom echoed. "Why don't you take your shirt off?" Tord grinned maniacally. Tom blushed, he was redder than Tord! "N-no way!" Tom said, covering his face with his hands. "I look hideous, compared to you!" Tom smiled through the nervousness. Tord kissed Tom's forehead. "Don't be shy, Tommy," Tord used a silly nickname. Tom whined. "Noooo!" He trailed off. "I look bad!" Tord stopped. "No, you don't look bad. You look great! Just check out that ass!" Tord grinned, and Tom turned even redder. "Ah, Tord! You perv!" Tom giggled, and playfully pushed Tord away. "Aw, you love me!" Tord leaned foreward, as if to kiss Tom. "No, I hate you!" Tom giggled, still pushing Tord away. "You're the worst!" "Only the best for you, Tom," Tord smiled like a madman. "You smile like a madman," Tom pointed out. Tord snorted. Tom had grown to like that silly snort. "Well, I should, I'm a madman, of course!" Tord leaned in, and pecked Tom on the nose. "So," he said. "You like my muscles?" Tom grinned. He nodded, slightly, blushing. Tord leaned in, going to kiss Tom, a large smirk on his face. Tom leaned in as well, and they both met in the middle. 

The two had begun to make-out for a while, tongue and all. Tom pulled Tord closer, and he dug his fingers into the taller man's hair. Tom let his knees meet Tord's hips, pushing himself downwards even more to gain the most amount of physical contact. Tord suddenly pinned Tom to the couch, who blushed, and squealed a bit. Tord leaned in, and kissed Tom, passionately, whilst messing with the hem of Tom's shirt. Tord pulled away, suddenly, leaving Tom flustered, dazed and confused. Then, Tord was taking off Tom's shirt, and before Tom could do anything, Tord was practically squeaking at Tom's cuteness. "W-what?" Tom asked, thinking it a bit early in the relationship to start fucking like the filthy animals they were. "Soft, morning make outs are what I live for, so I hope you're ready for this situation, like every morning," Tom blushed. He looked away, smiling nervously, covering his face with his hand. "O-okay," he laughed anxiously. "By the way," Tord added. "You said you looked bad without your shirt." Tom blushed even more. "I disagree!" Tord said, grabbing Tom's face, and squishing it. "You're so squishy!" Tord squealed. He giggled, and Tom didn't really understand what was going on, but enjoyed it, nonetheless. Tord leaned in and gave Tom a gentle kiss on the lips. "You are too cute!" Tord cooed. "I'm not cute." Tom pouted. "Or adorable." Tom crossed his arms. "What are you, then?" Tord was curious as to how Tom described himself. "Ugly." Tom looked away, slightly glaring at the blank television. It was Tord's turn to pout, now. "No!" Tord leaned in, and kissed Tom again. Tom tried to protest. "No! You aren't getting away from me! I am the evil love monster and I am here to get attack you with- with- with love?" Tord giggled. Tom scoffed. "You're weird." Tord grinned. "Of course I am. I wouldn't be Tord, the evil love monster if I weren't!" 

At that very moment, Tord did the strangest thing that totally wasn't expected at this point. Tord began tickling Tom.

Tom squealed loudly, screaming and laughing, tears welling up in his eyes as Tord skillfully moved his fingers up and down Tom's sides. "No, nononono, no-ho-ho-ho-ha-ha!" Tom snorted and giggled and laughed and screamed and squealed and wriggled. Tord found it adorable. "T-Tord!" Tom yelled between laughs. "W-why- why- do you- you h-hate me!!" Tom laughed even louder. "Because!" Tord stated in a loud, powerful voice. "I am Tord, the Evil fucking love monster, bitch!" Tord laughed in a manner similar to that of a cartoon villain. "No! No-ho-ho-ho! Nooooo!" 

"Evil fucking Love Monster." 

Suddenly, the both of them heard somebody else in the room calmly clear their throat. They both stopped everything they were doing, that includes breathing, and looked up. "Well," Edd said. "I see you two are getting along just fine." The atmosphere was awkward as hell. Tord and Tom were red in the face, Edd was rolling back and forth on his feet, and Matt just couldn't. He whipped out his phone, and took a picture of the two on the couch, and giggled. "Cute," he muttered. "Why, why did you do that, Matt?" Tom asked. "I can't even," Matt said in a high-pitched voice that was almost squealing. He bounced on the tips of his toes, and grabbed Edd's hand. "Let's go, darling, they need 'alone time'," Matt said the last part of the sentence in a low, whisper-y voice that made Tom question all his life choices. 

 Edd and Matt left, and Tord and Tom were alone again. "What were we doing again?" Tord asked. "I think," Tom paused. "We were looking for jobs online...?" They both burst out laughing. "And we ended up shirtless on the couch in a tickle fight!" Tord buried his face in Tom's chest, giggling hysterically. Tom gradually joined in. 

The both of them weren't perfect, nor would they ever be, and no matter what, they would always hate each other. However, they are kind of perfect for each other in every way possible because of all those things. 

_"You idiot," Tom muttered under his breath. He never knew that he could hurt so much, for never in his life has he ever been in this much pain. Everything hurt. His not-eyes, his face, his chest, his hands. Though, through the pain he smiled. He hurt so much, that he screamed at the sky, yelling at God, asking him why he would do this to him, and he still smiled. He hurt so badly, that he smiled because his greatest addiction was emotion. His emotions made him hurt, they made him deeply depressed, but at the same time, intensely alive. He was so, so hurt, that he had to keep living. He couldn't stop. He would never stop living until he could no longer live anymore. He could feel. He wasn't numb anymore. He was finally alive._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sees the title. //suddenly Undertale//  
> h e l p I m t r a S h  
> I can't stop reading things in Onision's voice etf is wrong with me-  
> I needed something cute. Sorry it's really short. I need sleep. I'm exhausted. Holy mother of baby yeezus turtle cakes am I exhausted.


	12. Nine To Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm. This chapter is more in the Eddsworld kind of humor part of the Internet...? It's lots of puns, a little bitta angst here and there, ya getta see Eduardo, so that's cool. Yeah. I don't know. I'm really tired, and my phone keeps autocorrecting 'he' to 'gen' for some FUCKING reason. That capitalization of the word fucking was autocorrected, yet the second time I wrote the word fucking, it wasn't autocorrected...? Wtf phone??  
> Honestly, this whole chapter is on crack because I watched a bunch of funny "reading misspelled words out loud" videos on YouTube, sooo.  
> Pregegnernananant.

**Stay in Touch**

Edd woke up one morning, Matt's arms wrapped around his waist. Edd yawned. He had some things to do today, even though he didn't have to go to work.

Today was a Saturday. Edd loved Saturdays. He got to spend quality time with Matt, he went grocery shopping, visited Tom and Tord, and sometimes even saw Paul or Patryk, too. Edd carefully unwrapped Matt's arms from himself, and got up to do his morning routine. Edd went into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. He undressed, and stepped into the warm water. He didn't see how anyone could possibly enjoy a cold shower. They were far too cold! Warm water was always what he had found to be the most relaxing. He shampoo'ed his hair, and washed the bits that needed washing, and got out. Edd was a very efficient shower-er. He did what he needed to, then got out. With a towel wrapped around his waist, Edd stepped in front of the mirror, humming a random tune as he grabbed a razor and some shaving cream. It was time he shaved again. Edd put some shaving cream on, and placed the razor near his chin. Edd had almost began growing a beard. He didn't feel like letting it grow out any further, and stopped the mess of one from happening by shaving it away. Next, Edd got dressed in his usual: his old, faded 'Smeg Head' tee, his favorite shirt, some pants that were just a shade or two darker than his pale skin tone, and his favorite green hoody. He was putting on his socks when Matt awoke. 

"Oh, boy," Matt said, sitting up slowly and yawning. "It's that time of the week again, eh?" Matt gave Edd  sleepy grin. "Morning, Matt," Edd greeted. "And yes, it is." Edd stood once he got his socks on, and gave Matt a pat on the head. "You need anything from the store?" Edd asked. Matt thought for a moment. "Maybe some more shampoo, and some grapes." Edd nodded. Matt seemed to have an addiction to grapes for some strange reason. He always finished the bag before the week was even over. Often times, Edd had to buy grapes twice a week. "Okay, then," Edd said, stretching.  He grabbed a pen, and a notepad from his desk, making a short grocery list. "Grapes, Matt's shampoo, bread, milk, butter, cola, orange juice," he listed the items aloud, and Matt flopped back down on his bed. "I'm going to make us some breakfast. Want anything specific?" Matt got up out of bed at this, showing off his muscular chest and his purple boxers. "You are too good to me, Edd," Matt groaned. "What good could I possibly have done to deserve someone as great as you?!" Matt walked up and hugged Edd from behind. Edd giggled. "I don't know, but whatever it is, it got you stuck with me, now!" 

"Oh, we're going to visit Tom and Tord today, to , y'know, check up in them." Edd's smile faded a little. Matt gave Edd a knowing look. Edd was defeated when he thought Tom was going to die. Tom has Tord to take care of him though, he shouldn't intervene. But Tord betrayed him, who's to say he won't do it again? Edd mentally scolded himself for thinking like that. Tord is there for Tom, and Tom doesn't need Edd. Two's a party, three's a crowd that's how the saying goes, right? "Edd stop," Matt said. "Stop what?" Edd looked at Matt, but the way Edd's voice broke, and his facial expression told Matt all. "Stop thinking like that. Tom still cares about you as much as he does Tord. We aren't drifting apart, no, maybe Tom just needs a little... Time." Matt gave Edd a reassuring smile. "Time for what?" Edd asked. "Time to... get used to things, to get used to life again. He needs time to get used to being in love, because even though it's strange, love is something you need to get used to, and Tom isn't even close to used to it. Tord has plenty of love to give, and he'll give it all to Tom. Every last drop. But it's not like we can't be there, helping him, because God knows Tord can't do this alone. Recovery is something that takes time, effort, care, and love. Lots of love, and between you, Tord and I, and even Paul and Patryk and Eduardo and Mark, we all have more than enough love and care to get Tom through this, okay?" 

Edd nodded, wiping the stray tear that escaped tom his eye. "We'll visit Tom, and maybe we could invite him to a movie sometime?" Edd looked at Matt. Matt nodded. "He should get used to people a bit more, right?" Matt asked. "Yeah," Edd smiled. "I also want to spend some time with my closest friends, too. We haven't done anything like go to a movie as a group for a while." Edd smiled wider. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'll do! Invite him and Tord to come along with us to a movie sometime!" Matt smiled. He loved it when Edd figured out a way to help someone. "That's exactly what's we'll do, darling!" They both giggled. "Now get dressed, silly," Edd said, gesturing to Matt's attire of purple boxers and grey socks. Matt grinned. "Fine," he groaned, playfully.

"I'm not a robot, a robooooot!" Edd dragged out the last 'robot' in the sentence as he loudly sang 'I am not a robot' by Marina and the Diamonds. Edd and Matt were in the car, on their way to the store. Matt giggled, and reached across the median to take hold of Edd's hand. Matt had showed Edd one song by Marina, and next thing he knows, it's Marina all over the place. Not that's Matt minded, really, he liked Marina. He also liked Edd's singing, so this was a win-win for the both of them. Edd pulled into the parking lot, and Edd reluctantly turned off the music. They both got out of the car, and met behind it, grabbing eachother's hands. The couple walked into the store, Edd humming a happy tune as he walked with a certain spring in his step. Edd just seemed really happy today, for some reason. Matt was glad. 

 Edd walked into the bread section, while Matt went to look for his shampoo, when Edd bumped into someone. "Oof! Oh, I'm really sorry, I wasn't paying attention!" Edd said quickly. Them he looked at who he apologized to. It was Eduardo. "Oh, it's fine, Edd." Eduardo honestly looked like hell. His skin was pale, his hair, greasy enough to keep a car running, and he had dark bags under his eyes. Edd didn't like the way Eduardo's hands shook, or the way his smile twitched with pain. "Are you okay?" Edd asked. Eduardo nodded. "Yeah, I'm right as rain, why?" Eduardo's voice shook a little, and Edd grew more worried. "You just- you look like hell!" Eduardo sighed, and put the loaf of bread he was gazing at away. "Yeah, I feel like it." He chuckled dryly. "I guess I've got a snowball's chance in hell at fooling you 'bout how I've been, huh?" Edd put a hand on Eduardo's shoulder. "It's Jon, isn't it?" He said carefully. Eduardo only nodded. "Ever since he died, it's just- I kinda, y'know, miss him?" Edd nodded. "I feel like it's my fault. I was the one who told him I wished he was dead." Edd shook his head. "It's not your fault, Eduardo! It's- it's-" Edd honestly didn't want to say that it was Tord's fault, when he knew damn well it was. "It was that  _red guy's_ fault," Edd winced at the venom in Eduardo's voice when he said 'red guy'. Eduardo's hands shook, and his voice trembled with anger. Then he stopped. "There's no point in getting mad, anymore. What's done is done, and I can't stop that." Eduardo stood up straight, and had a hopeless look in his eyes, despite his attempt at a smile. "Thanks, Edd." He said. Edd was confused. "For what?" "For being someone I could count on, a friend." Eduardo smiled a little wider, but when he did, the smile only seemed to get sadder. "Eduardo," Edd said. He had heard words like these before. From Tom. "Eduardo, what are you saying?" Edd's mouth ran dry, his hands shook, nervous sweat beaded at his temples, and his eyes went wide. "I'm saying thank you, you dummy," Eduardo smiled down at Edd, who shook in reply. "You're the best friend I never knew I wished I had." Eduardo gave Edd a pat on the head, and he messed up his hair as if Edd were a child. "Eduardo, you're not going to- are you?" Edd stopped in the middle of his sentence, clenching his fists. "I might," Edd tensed up harshly. "Then again, I might find the will to live again, later... I also might not." Eduardo smiled down at Edd again, and Edd almost screamed. He just remembered why he had found this man to be so infuriating. "Thanks, Edd," Eduardo said again. He put a hand on Edd's shoulder, and smiled a genuine smile. Edd was suddenly relieved, and smiled back. "Any time, Eduardo." With that, Eduardo walked out of the bread isle, and to the nearby entrance of the store. Edd smiled at his passing figure. "If you do it, just know that I'll miss you," Edd muttered under his breath as he turned to choose a brand of bread. 

"Hey, Matt," Edd said as Matt walked up to Edd in the frozen foods isle. "Hey, Eddie," Matt smirked, giving Edd a small wink that made the other man blush a little. "Okay, do we have everything?" Matt asked. Edd nodded. This just about covers it, I think we can check out and go visit Tom and Tord, now," Edd replied, smiling. They paid for their food stuffs, and left the store, smiling. On the way home, they loudly sang Mother Mother's song, Burning Pile, on repeat, and giggled when they got the lyrics wrong, and cheered when when they got them right. "All my troubles on a burning pi-ile, all lit up, and I start to smile," Matt giggled as Edd turned up the volume and turned left, into the parking lot. Matt decided to be a gentleman, and help Edd out of his car, and grab half of the groceries. "Thank you, Matt, what a gentleman you are!" Edd gave Matt a kiss on the cheek. "Ugh, will you two stop being so sweet and adorable?" The owner of the building, Jackie, said. Most people would call Jackie a bitter, middle-aged woman, who hated people and life, but Edd just thought she was fun. "I think we shall be even sweeter!" Edd declared. "Matt, quick! I don't have any hands, so kiss me on the cheek!" Matt giggled, and gave Edd another kiss that put a firey determination in Edd's eyes. "Haha!" He cheered. "We are the most sickeningly sweet couple on the whole property!" Jackie chuckled and sighed. "Yeah, I'm getting cavities just looking at you guys." Jackie then walked to her car, and started it. 

Edd and Matt walked up the four stairs that led them into the building, and headed for the elevator. There was already a man in there, Edd knew him as a man on the fifth floor, nicknamed 'Ghost' for some strange reason. "Floor four, please!" Edd cried as he and Matt both ran into the elevator like athletes before the door shut completely and  Ghost pressed the 'four' button on the pad. "Thanks, Ghost!" Edd said, panting slightly. "Any time." Ghost replied. Ghost was a really quiet person, one of those tall, silent types. He was about as tall as Matt, with dark hair styled in the 'undershave', and he had stubble growing on his chin. He had a stern look on his face, but kind, blue-grey eyes. He reminded Edd of a guy that would probably make a good dad, evidenced by the faded teddy bear on his white t-shirt under his sleeveless, black hoody. Finally, they made it to the fourth floor, and Edd and Matt stepped off, giving thanks to Ghost, and saying their goodbyes. Edd sighed when he had to put down his groceries to reach for his keys, which were in his pockets. He turned the key, and unlocked the door and opened it, grabbing his groceries once again, then he walked inside.

"Grapes in the fridge," Edd sang as he carefully put the grapes in the refrigerator. "Bread in the pantry, peanut-butter and jelly, cheese!" Edd danced around the kitchen, putting things away happily, before putting all the plastic bags inside of one another, and storing them below the kitchen sink. "Okay, then!" Edd smiled, and clapped his hands together. "Lets go vist Tord and Tom!" Matt was in the living room, watching 'The Children'. It was a new episode. "You're recording that, right, Matt?" Edd asked. Edd hadn't seen this one, yet. "Yeah, don't worry!" Matt said, grinning. He grabbed Edd's hand, and led him to the door. Edd and Matt walked to the next apartment, which was Tom and Tord's apartment, and knocked.

"Come in!" Tom's voice rang out. Edd jiggled the doorknob, but it was locked. "It's locked!" Edd said. Tom sighed. "Don't wanna get up," he whined. Edd giggled. "I'll get it," Tord groaned, and walked to the door. "Nooo," Tom dragged out his words. "My man!" Tord snorted, and opened the door anyways. Tord was shirtless. Edd coughed awkwardly. "Are we interrupting something?" He asked. Tord blushed. "W-what? What! No! Nononono, no! We were just, uhm, uh," Tord trailed off. "I don't have a good answer." Tom snorted. "Neither do I, but it wasn't sexual, and you weren't inturrupting anything, I promise!" Tom yelled from the living room. Edd nodded, silently taking note of the dog-tags hanging from Tord's neck, as well as all the scars on his chest, and how painful the attatchment of Tord's shoulder to the robotic arm-thing looked. Tord had definitely also gained significant muscle mass. "Yeah, forgot to mention, Tom's apparently really into muscular dudes, like, he can be really gay when he wants to be." Edd said, quickly. "Shut up, Edd!" Tom cried from the living room. "Or I'll play dubstep!" Edd cringed a little, then chuckled, as Tord let the couple inside. "Alright, alright, you win, Tom." Edd walked into the living room, seeing Tom laying face down on the couch, waiting for Tord to come back and be his pillow again. 

"What're you watching?" Matt asked, pointing at the Telly. "Eh, just this new movie series, Trigger-Happy Communists from Outer-Space," Tom quipped. Tord snorted, again. "Eh, I honestly thought the Short Jehova's Witnesses from Someplace Kinda Like Heaven was better," Tord retorted. A re-Tord, if you will. Edd and Matt exchanged looks, before coming up short with an answer to something like that. "...What?" Edd asked intelligently. Both Tom and Tord burst into laughter, Tord having to hold onto the couch to make sure that he didn't fall from the weakness in his knees. "I don't- don't even know where that- that came from!" Tom sputtered. "Neither-n-neither do I, but- but-" Tord snorted again. Tom really liked that stupid snort of his. When the two finally calmed down, they really didn't know. No one knew. That's it. That's the end. No one knew, and no one ever really found out, but they didn't care. 

The end. 

Not really. 

The group calmed down from spontaneous laughter, and took a deep breath, wiping stray tears from their eyes. "That was good." Tord said, smiling. "Hilarious, even if we didn't really know what that was, y'know?" Tom and Tord smiled off into the distance, as if they were looking nostalgic. Suddenly, Tord snapped out of his thoughts, and patted his stomach. "I am ravenous!" He said. "Does anyone want anything to eat?" Edd found his chance. "Actually," Edd began, smiling. "I was thinking about going to the movies later, maybe tonight, or tomorrow, doesn't matter really, just, y'know, let all of us just get together and, I don't know, just have some fun, like old times!" Edd smiled wider. Tord's ears seemed to perk up at the words 'just like old times', and he almost visably winced, though no one seemed to notice. "What do you think, Tom?" Tord asked. Edd was practically bouncing in his metaphorical seat. "Um, maybe?" Tord finally took the chance to sit down on the couch at that, and let Tom lay on his chest again. "That sounds fun. What movie?" Tom asked. "Well," Edd began. "There's a new Insane Zombie Pirates from Hell movie out, and I was wondering if anyone'd wanna see it?" Edd looked genuinely hopeful. Both Tom and Tord had peeked up at that statement, just like Edd thought they would. He seemed a little more hopeful at that. "Yeah!" Tom said. Tord grinned. "I haven't seen the new one, yet, let's go see it sometime!" Tom smiled. "Can be tomorrow, or maybe the day after, but Tom and I were thinking about a proper date tonight." Tom blushed. All of them blushed, actually. "Ooooh!" Matt grinned evilly. "Uh-oh," Tom said, suddenly fearful for his life for some reason. At least Edd didn't have that look on his face because when they both did- oh. Never mind. "I see how it is!" Edd grinned even wider, his eyes squinting evilly, and they glinted mischievously in the lighting. "I see very well indeed!" Matt agreed. "Ready for the next step in the relationship!" Edd said, putting his thumb and forefinger on his chin. "Yes, yes. I think it's about time they got rid of all this tension in the air!" Matt also put his thumb and forefinger on his chin. The both of them had scarily serious looks on their faces. "Whoa, next step?" Tom yelped. "What next step?" Matt and Edd seemed genuinely surprised. "'What next step'?!" Edd mocked. "Oh, whatever do you mean, dear, Thomas?" Tom was confused as fuck. Tord was there, too. 

"Riiiiight," Tom said, dragging out his words, again. "Well," Edd said, grinning. "We'all see you tomorrow if you're cool with that," Tom was confused. "But you just got here...?" But they were already out the door. "Sorry, we can't hear you over the sound of the  _next step_ in your relationship!" Matt cheered. "Keep in touch!" Edd added quickly before shutting the door. Tom sighed, and buried his face in Tord's chest. "How high was God when he created them?" Tom asked genuinely. Tord replied with the best possible answer at the time. "Very," Tord grinned. "Makes enough sense, I mean, they're them, and they're weird as fuck." Tord agreed. "How did they become our friends, any ways?" Tord asked.

"I have no idea," 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to try and be make Edd and Matt more relevant in the story, too, because they're also main characters in the story, and I want them to be more involved with Tom's recovery.  
> So tire.  
> Such a long chapter.


	13. Hey, Jude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom and Tord go on a date.  
> Fancy bois

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI.  
> So I'm not dead. That's a plus.  
> ALSO.  
> Happy Valentine's Day!! I'm going to go be a sad shit and read something everyone has been reccomending on Tumblr, a TomTord fanfic called Starboy. Everyone says it's sad, but I can handle it. I think.  
> I didn't cry after reading The Fault In Our Stars bc I'm a heartless bastard, so let's see how this works out. Wish me luck. I'll need it.

**Forever Maybe?**

Tom was dressed. 

Tom was classy.

Tom was terrified. 

Tom looked great.

Tom was totally prepared. 

Tom was totally not prepared. 

Since Tom had gotten home from the hospital, he noticed his hair had gotten longer. He had stubble on his chin that was turning into a beard, too. Tom noticed that he had lost a significant amount of weight. He looked, well, not quite heathy, he was still a little pudgy, but he seemed significantly thinner than when he first went to the hospital, or when he first shot the harpoon. He shook his head to clear his thoughts. He also noticed that Tord stopped going to the gym as often. Tord seemed closer to him, like he was protecting him. Tom wasn't going to lie; he didn't quite know how to feel about it. He guessed he kind of liked it. Tom noticed that the scars on his body were fading. Both the one on his arm from the Tord incident, and the ones he put there himself. A lots of them were almost completely faded, now. Except for the one on his arm. But, his arm was much, much better than before. Physical therapy with Tord kind of helped with that. He also noticed that Edd seemed a little different. Tom couldn't quite place his finger on it, but even he was different, too. Matt seemed pretty much the same; head over heels for Edd, and still pretty self centered. Tom didn't know why, but he had a bad feeling something horrible was going to happen very soon. He couldn't shake it for some reason, and it scared him. 

Tom walked out of his room dressed in a suit and tie. Not the one he wore to his mother's funeral, no, instead, Tord had bought him a new one. Tom didn't know why Tord had done this, but it was a free suit, he wasn't going to question that. Tom had on a fairly expensive black dress shirt, with a navy blue vest over it, with long, black dress pants, and shiny shoes Tom could almost see his reflection in. He quite enjoyed it. He very much liked the idea of looking like a fancy mannequin. Tord, however, did not look like a mannequin. He stepped out of his room looking like a Grecian God. Tord was dressed in a white dress shirt, over it, a blood red vest with darker red buttons. His jacket was a lighter shade of red than the vest, and his pants were a similar shade. Tord's hair was styled to perfection: Two spikes of hair sticking straight up, looking fluffy as ever, most of the excess hair was in a ponytail at the lower part of the back of his neck. Tord had the perfect amount of stubble on his chin; much less than Tom, and from far enough away, it may seem invisible due to the light shade. Tord's silver eyes scanned over Tom's body, and Tom suddenly felt inadequate and naked. He blushed, and looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. Tom's not-eyes flickered back and forth from Tord to the floor. "H-hi, Tord," Tom said, smiling nervously. Tord grinned. "Well don't you look handsome?" Tord replied. Tom turned even redder. "Better than anything I could imagine!" Tord grinned widely, his hands resting on his hips. Tom giggled like a secondary school girl, and looked away. "I don't look  _that_ good," he whined. Tord looked at Tom, snorting. "Of course you do! Stop being so modest, Tom," Tord walked over to Tom, and held out his arm for Tom to grab. Tom complied wordlessly. "I'm not being modest," Tom continued the conversation as they walked towards the door. "I just don't think I look as awesome as you!" Tom gestured to Tord. Tord grinned. "Well, you look amazing in my eyes, so tell your not-eyes to shut up with their judging." Tord stated in a serious tone of voice. Tom nodded his head slowly. "Right, I'll be sure to talk to my 'not-eyes' as soon as possible," Tom quipped, putting quotation marks around the phrase 'not-eyes'. Tord snorted again. Tom thought that snort was adorable. He would probably do anything to make him snort like that all the time, now. Tom hated that he loved that snort, and that stupid laugh. 

Tom and Tord walked to the car that Tord owned, as before the 'Tord and the Giant Robot Incident' happened, Edd had owned the only car, and it had gotten fucked up beyond repair when a house crushed it. Tord kindly opened the passenger door for Tom, smiling gently as Tom got in, and resisting the strong urge to smack him on he ass. It was a strong urge. Tord climbed into the car afterwards, because if he didn't, neither Tom nor Tord would be going anywhere any time soon. Tord started the car, and pulled out of the driveway of the complex. "So," Tom started up some small talk. "Where are we going?" Tord smirked. "A restaurant," he replied, wittily. He didn't want to reveal anything just yet. "What kind of restaurant?" Tom pressed. Tord hummed in response. "A surprise one," he quipped. "What, is it, like, fast food, or something?" Tom chortled. Tord grinned, and chuckled in reply. "Probably not." Tom was curious at that answer. "'Probably not'?" Tom asked. "What is that supposed to mean?" Tord grinned an evil grin. "You'll see, Tom," Tord's evil grin got wider and wider. Tom kept thinking, 'it's going to be a fuckin' fast food restaurant!' Tom sighed, realizing he wasn't going to get an answer out of Tord right now, and sat back in his seat, waiting to arrive. 

They eventually made it to a restaurant that definitely wasn't a fast food franchise. It was incredibly fancy. "Whoa, boy, what're going to do, propose to me? Tord jeez!" Tom grinned and giggled as Tord helped him out of the car. "Oh noes, you ruined my plans!" Tord laughed along as Tom hooked his arm in Tord's, and they walked into the restaurant. They were greeted by a hostess, a young woman with dark blue hair and brown eyes. "I'm Cori, I'll be your hostess today!" Cori had an American accent, Tom noted. Tord face palmed. "Cori, you can stop being so formal with me, we know each other it's weird..." Cori giggled, and carefully scanned her eyes over Tom. "Is this Tom?" Tom blushed and nodded. "Y-yeah," he stuttered out. Cori grinned. "You are all he talks about!" Tom blushed even more. Tord perked up, and looked more than a little embarrassed. "All the time at the gym, 'Tom this! Tom that!'" Tord turned redder than a beet fairly quickly. "You can stop now!" He seethed. "You talk about me?" Tom looked up at Tord, curious. "Take it from me," Cori said. "Yes he freaking  _does!_ " Tom didn't turn away from Tord, waiting to hear a verbal response from him. "Y-yeah, I-I guess..." Tord trailed off. Tom looked away, smiling nervously, his heart pounding. Cori nodded her head towards the tables, and said, "Let me guide you to your table, gentlemen!" Cori lead them to a table that seemed secluded from the rest. More privacy for us, Tom thought. 

Tom and Tord sat down at the table, and ordered drinks. "A glass of water is fine," Tord said. "Ooh, vodka sounds great!" Tom was already looking at the alcoholic drinks menu. Tord snorted. Cori walked away, grinning. "So..." Tom started. He was incredibly nervous. "How- how are you?" He mentally cursed himself for asking that. "Good," Tord replied, smirking. "What about you?" Tom panicked at the simple question. "I'm- I'm great, how about you?" Tom panicked even more. He just asked that. "You just asked that, Tom." Tom grimaced. "Yup. Yeah. I really did, didn't I?" He forced a laugh. "You okay, Tom?" Tord asked. Tom nodded. "Y-yup! Perfect! Just, um, nervous, heh." Tom rubbed the back of his neck. He felt like he was being watched, somehow. Tord chuckled. "You aren't the only one, Tom, trust me. I'm nervous as hell!" Tord put his head in his hand. He stared at Tom with loving(?) eyes. Tom was confused. He wasn't objecting, no, of course not. He definitely enjoyed the attention, but he wasn't used to the praise. "You're cute when you're nervous," Tord said. Tom turned even redder. "Anyone ever tell you that?" Tom shook his head. "N-no," he stuttered. It was true. No one ever thought he was adorable, or sexy, or even cute, really. "Really?" Tord asked. Tom nodded. "Wow. People are assholes! You're adorable!" Tom's blush continued to deepen. "Now," Tord continued. "What do you say when you get a compliment?" Tord grinned devilishly. Tom was surprised. "U-um," he mumbled. "Thank you, Tom. You say thank you." Tord grinned stupidly at Tom, and Tom couldn't help but giggle. He covered his mouth. Tom thought it was silly he forgot what to say after reciving a compliment. He thought Tord's grin was stupidly adorable. He thought Tord in general was stupidly adorable. He thought that Tord was also just stupid. And so he laughed. He covered his mouth with his hand and turned away, giggling and being nervously bubbly, and he couldn't help it. Tord was highly confused, but found Tom's laugh to be rediculously adorable, and in the end, laughed, too. 

And they say their at the dinner table, hoping that maybe, just maybe, this could work out. Maybe.


	14. Sex, Yeah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom has something on his mind, and can't figure out how to bring it up. He goes to Edd for advice. That was an awkward mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh chapter 14! The story is coming to an end! I can't wait until the grand finale!  
> Also sorry this chapter seems longer than the others, I've been in a writing class to help make my writing a bit better and nicer; not so rushed, y'know?

**Rediculously Awkward Smut Chapter Is Awkward**

Life went on as usual after Tom got out of the hospital. 

Matt got a job as a model, which was reason for celebration with Tom, Edd, Matt and Tord. It was obvious, with Matt's good looks that someone would hire him, though they wanted to celebrate it anyways because this was their friend. Edd got a job as a barista. Not his dream job, which was obviously to be an artist, but he could live with this. He didn't mind being a barista so much. It was actually a pretty easy job, aside from some of the rude customers, but Edd mostly forgave them; it was morning, and no one at a coffee shop is likely to be a real morning person. Tord got a job as a personal trainer, and a trainer at the local gym. Let's just say he was very good at what he did. Within a few weeks, he became one of the most requested trainers there, aside from a tall, built woman name Theresa that Tord thought should have been a comedian instead. Tom decided to get a job as a librarian. It was a quiet job, and an easy one, at that; it was something he could do to get hthe m out of the house, as well. There  was a small, old woman named Janice who always stayed after hours and helped Tom lock up, and the both of them drank tea in the mornings and gossiped about celebrities and their significant others. Much to Tom's surprise, the tiny, seventy-year-old woman had a wife by the name of Emelia, who worked at an art shop, and the two of them had two daughters, Alexis, and their transgender daughter, Dominique. Oh, how Jan loved to talk about her daughters; it made Tom want kids of his own.

Tom had noticed that in a short time, Tord had grown protective of him. It made Tom wonder just how long Tord had had feelings for him. By the way he was acting, it seemed like years. Thoughts like those made Tom feel even worse for shooting the harpoon, and he wished it never happened, but it did, and they would both learn to live with it. One thing Tom's mother said, was something along the lines of, "You don't get over something, you don't move on, you just learn to live with it. When you learn how to live with it, it gets easier."

Tord liked to grab Tom by the waist, and swing him around in his arms, and kiss him on the nose. Tom thought it was silly, and kind of loved it when he did that. He also loved it when Tord walked behind him while he was cooking breakfast, and gave him a hug. It wasn't ever a hug from the waist, or anything lovey-dovey like that, it was just a hug, and Tom could feel the cybernetic arm through his shirt, and felt bad again. But Tord would kiss him on the cheek and whisper, "Good morning, Tom," and bury his face in Tom's hair, taking a big whiff of his scent and enjoying it. 

And then Tord would say something's stupid like, "Smells are just flavors for your nose!" 

Three months went by, but as life went on, there was one thing that kept sitting on Tom's mind. He sighed, and knocked on the door to Edd and Matt's apartment. Edd and Matt kind of lived together, but it was more like the 'one has a drawer, the other has a toothbrush' phase, and sometimes, Matt still slept in his own apartment. He knew Matt wasn't there today, he had a special photo shoot going on, but Edd had the day off. Tord was also at work probably laughing it up with Theresa, and Tord would soon come home with stories that will make Tom cry from laughter, just like usual. But today, Tom took a sick day just to confront Edd about a little situation. Tom knocked on the door again, knowing this could possibly be the most embarrassing moment of his life. Edd answered, looking confused. "Tom?" He asked. "I thought you had work today?" Tom shook his head. "I took a sick day, Jan is covering my shift." Tom suddenly felt bad about making Han take his shift, but remembered that she was the one who pushed him out the door after hours and told him to 'get it on' with his boyfriend. Edd only looked more lost. "Then shouldn't you be in bed?" Tom shook his head again, turning red. "C-can I come in?" Tom's face was turning redder and redder every second he stood at the door. "Sure, come in," Edd stepped aside, letting Tom in. 

"You aren't sick, are you?" Edd said. Tom shook his head. "No," he admitted. "I took a sick day to ask you a question." Edd shut the door,  then asked, "What question would you have that could be so important that you had a seventy-year-old woman take your shift for you?" "Well," Tom began. "Y-you see- um- well, the problem is- uhm..." Tom's face grew redder and redder, and Edd only grew more concerned for his friend. "What's wrong?" Edd asked. In a frustrated, and embarrassed tone, Tom blurted out his answer. "I was to have sex with Tord!" He covered his mouth, looking around, even if no one was there, other than Edd. Edd nodded in understanding, grinning deviously. "And you want to know where to put it?" Edd raised his eyebrows. True, Tom had never had sex with another man before, so it was strange to ask for advice. He figured that Tord had more experience in this area, but he did not want to ask for help from Tord, no way, Josè, that would embarrass the living shit out of him.

Tom's embarrassed silence was answer enough for Edd. 

"Well," he began. "Go for anal." Tom turned even redder, (so much so, that he covered his face in the black sweater Tord had bought him. It said, 'Parental Advisory, Explicit Content' and Tom wore it all the time; he loved that sweater). Tom did not expect Edd to be so blunt. "H-huh?" Tom stuttered. Edd laughed. Tom turned redder, still. "If Tord knows what he's doing, then it'll be great." Tom nodded, mentally taking notes. "How- how do I bring it up?" He asked. There was a heavy pause between the two before Tom's brain stopped functionomg properly. "No, nonono, wait!" Edd snorted. "Well hentai could work-" "EDD!" The both of them chortled and doubled over in laughter, clutching their stomachs. "I did _not_  mean for that to happen!" Tom said between laughs. 

When they calmed down, the conversation started up again as normal. "Well if you want to seduce him, you could wear his hoody, maybe?" Tom thought about it. "I don't see how that'd be considered sexy..." Of course Tom was imagining himself wearing the hoody over a t-shirt and with some jeans underneath, but Edd had a different idea. " _Only_ the hoody." Tom blushed in realization. "I couldn't do that! I- I'm too shy! I'm self conscious!" Tom covered his face, starting to lose faith in his plan to seduce Tord. "Maybe, like, some really tall socks? Like, the thigh-highs that those hentai chicks wear." Tom turned redder. "I don't know, Edd, I just want it to happen, and- Ugh!" Tom groaned. "Why can't I just be confident enough to just climb in his lap and say 'fuck me!', or something!? This is all so confusing..." Edd giggled a bit, then went to comfort his friend by rubbing his back. "I know the feeling, Tom. I didn't know what to do when I wanted to first do it with Matt, but he reassured me because he didn't know what to do, either. We were in the same boat and made it work, anyways." Tom looked up at Edd, red in the face, and Edd smiled. "You can do this!" Edd reached out his fist to invite Tom in a fist-bump, to which Tom happily complied. They happily smushed their fists together, and smiled. "Just do whatever makes you both feel comfortable, clothes or not." 

Once back in his apartment, Tom thought about what he should wear. He didn't think he was really 'sexy', and thus, did not have any clothes like that. No lingerie, nothing. He thought that the sweater he was wearing, or Tord's hoody were the sexiest things he owned. Tom decided to take Edd's advice, and go for Tord's hoody, and  _only_ the hoody. 

Tom also decided to take a shower. He kinda thought that hygiene would be a major factor in seducing anyone. Unless Tord secretly had some sort of fetish for smelly, hairy people. Tom shuddered at the thought. He warmed up the shower, and stepped in. He then felt the need to shave for no particular reason than just because he felt like it. Tom wouldn't tell anyone, but he loved the feeling of his smooth legs after he shaved, and sometimes, he just liked having no underarm hair. It just felt nice to him, how soft his skin was. When he stepped out, he felt refreshed. Everything was smooth and soft, like a baby's bottom. Tom relished in the feeling. 'I should shave more often', Tom thought. He also went to shave his face, thinking it was about time he stopped this beard from growing, now. Tom had a towel around his waist and he hummed a song called, 'Better Than Me' by a band called 'The Brobecks' that he heard a while back. It was a good song, and Tom made a mental note to listen to the song again sometime. 

Tom was just about finished shaving when Tord walked into the bathroom. Strange, Tom didn't even hear him walk inside! Tom thought himself to be in a good mood today, but all that happiness crashed down to Earth when he realized that he was practically naked in front of Tord. Tom was obviously not the most confident about his looks, constantly hating his belly and his thick legs, and wanted to loose weight,  _honest_! It was just- food is too good to give up so soon. 

Tord looked at Tom up and down, and Tom blushed under his gaze, not looking into his judging eyes. "Nice," Tord said. Tom turned redder. He had not clue how to take a compliment. "U-um," Tom gripped the razor tightly, and looked away. "Cute!" Tord walked up to Tom, and gave him a hug, kissing his damp hair. However, when Tord pulled away, Tom's towel fell off of his hips. Tom turned even redder at that, and tried to cover himself up, while Tord rolled his eyes and smiled. Then he looked at Tom's legs, and how thick they were. Tom had some pretty thick legs for a guy, unlike any other male legs he'd been in bed with. Tord liked the feminine look of Tom's body, thought it added 'character'. He also thought it was incredibly sexy, and Tord honestly wanted to take him to bed right then and there, show him that his body was amazing. 

Tom looked away from Tord's gaze, silently beating himself up for his body. He practically heard the smile in Tord voice when he said, "Hot," Tom felt like his chest was going to explode. Tord had just gotten home and only said three words to him, and he already wanted to either (A.) Let Tord fuck him into the mattress, or (B.) Just die, because that'd be fine, too. He honestly couldn't care less about what happened, as long as it meant today was over. 

Tom finally found his head, and picked up the towel, giving Tord a small peck on the cheek afterwards. He turned redder when he said these next few words. "T-Tord, I- um- I kind of- really, I want to, just, um, maybe we could, later, I don't know, if you want to..." Tom trailed off, rubbing the back of his beck with his right hand, while his left covered his nether regions. Tord looked genuinely confused. "Are you okay?" Tord asked. Tom looked up, blushing brightly, wet hair dripping on his face, and Tord had to contain his compliments, which was not easy. "Oh- I- I'm fine I just want to- maybe if you want to, too, maybe we could, y'know..." Tom trailed off and proceeded to make a bunch of vague hand gestures that wouldn't make sense in the dirtiest of minds. "What was that?" Tord leaned in further to hear Tom better. "I want to- I want to have sex with you!" Tom turned red. He wasn't a virgin, but he always had difficulty in this part of the relationship. Usually, he would be with a girl, and he would have to make sense of what the blushing mess in front of him was saying, but now, he was in the position of the 'girl', and he suddenly knew why it was so hard to say it. It was absolutely  _embarrassing_ in every way possible. 

Tord nodded distantly, as if he were processing the words, still. "Okay," he said simply. Tord paused. "Okay." He said again, this time as an affirmative statement.  "Okay...?" This time he sounded confused? Tord's face turned bright red as he continued his thought process; it was probably something dirty. "Tord?" Tom asked tentatively. "You okay, man?" Tord vaguely nodded, and Tom had the feeling that if Tord were in some random hentai, his nose would be bleeding profusely. "Okay!" Tord said, this time as an excited statement; it was obvious Tord had been waiting for those words for a while. Tord leaned down and gave Tom a passionate kiss, putting his hand on Tom's fleshy hip, and Tom putting his fingers in Todd's hair. Tom suddenly remembered he was naked, and blushed even more because Tord was so close to touching his naked butt, and oh God, this was embarrassing. 

Tord gently pulled away, leaving their foreheads touching, and he looked into the only voids of Tom's eyes. In that moment, Tord swore he saw a glimmer in Tom's eye-sockets that proved the existence of his physical eyeballs. Tord grinned. "Where do you want to start?" Tord began, purposely making his accent stronger than usual and making his voice deeper and huskier just to get to Tom. Tom shuddered. "I have n-never done this before, so I want to let you take the lead, just- please be gentle...?" Tom turned red again, looking away. He made the last part of his sentence sound like a question unintentionally; he has just never been in this kind of position before, and he never thought he would be, let alone with Tord! He somewhat forgave himself on those words, looking at Tord again. "Of course, Tom," Tord swooped down and held Tom in his arms, giving him a peck on the nose. "Do you want to now, or after dinner?" Tom blushed. "U-um whenever is fine w-with me, I guess..." He looked away, covering his face with his right hand, his left still covering the area between his legs. "If we do it now, I can just order us some pizza or something and we can relax." Tom smiled. "That sounds really good," Tord smiled a smile Tom had never seen before. It was full of love and serenity. Tom thought it looked lovely on a truely gentle giant like him. 

Tord leaned in again, kissing Tom on the lips, using his tongue, some teeth, the works. Tom wrapped his arms around Tord and leaned in, kissing back. Tord put his hand on the small of Tom's back, pulling him close. Tord pulled away, bringing them both to the bedroom. Tord opened the door, setting Tom on the bed, before closing the door again. Tord walked over to Tom, taking off his hoody and then his shirt, subtly flexing because he knew how much Tom loved his muscles. Tord never really saw the appeal, but Tom liked it, so he couldn't complain. Tom grinned. Tord continued to strip for Tom, loving the way that Tom looked his body up and down, absolutely adoring what he saw. "Like what so see?" Tord grinned. "Absolutely," Tom blurted out unintentionally. Tom blushed and giggled a bit. "Yeah, a lot." Tord snorted that adorable snort and smiled madly. He leaned in, now only in his boxers, and Tom leaned back a bit, blushing. "Good," he said. "Because I certainly like what I am seeing." Tom noticed that Tord was sporting a slight boner, and turned the most red he's ever been. Tom realized that he himself was already half-hard, and covered his face. "Oh my God, Tord!" Tord chuckled and it sounded the same way chocolate tasted, smooth and delicious, (except to the people who don't like chocolate, of course, in which case, Tord's laugh sounded like cheese).

Tord peeled Tom's hands from his face, and kissed Tom on the nose. "Cute," he said simply. Tord pinned Tom down to the bed, propping himself up on his elbows so he didn't squish Tom completely, and kissed him gently. Oh, God had Todd been ready for this. He's been wanting to pin Tom down and kiss him for a long time, just get his pretty little face to shut up and start screaming his name in ecstacty; say 'I'm not your friend!' Because the two were together. Tord loved this. Tom wrapped his arms around Tord's neck, and somewhat threaded themselves into Tord's hair, as well. He was ready for this. He wanted this. He spent so many years arguing with Tord, spending so much time thinking about him, trying to get him out of his head and never knowing why he stayed there. Tom would always fight with Tord, that was a given, they were, after all, a match made in Hell, and after this 'lovey-dovey' period was over, they would go back to that, bickering like an old married couple. But Tom could live with it. He kind of liked it that way. 

Tord pulled away from the kiss, panting, and forced a few words out of his swollen lips. "Where is the live? We're going to need lots of it," Tom vaguely pointed over to the nightstand. Tord dug through a drawer, and found it immediately. By this time, both men were fully hard. Tord returned to Tom with the tube, and Tom helped him remove his underwear. 

Tom was in awe of Tord's size. Like, he was pretty big, not to the point where he was inhuman, but he certainly looked like he had some good dick right there, and that only made Tom more aroused. Tord nearly outright laughed at Tom's face. "Sh-shut up!" Tom squeaked. "You're huge!" Tord snorted. "Matt's huge, Tom." The two stared at each other in an awkward silence. "I am not even going to ask." Tom said. Tord nodded. "Plus now is not the time. You want my dick. Not Matt's." Tom did laugh at that, before Tord seemed to get annoyed with that, and he pinned Tom to the bed again. Tord generously lived up two fingers, before teasing his entrance. Tom shuddered and Tord pushed in. 

At first, it felt odd, intrusive. Kind of like shitting backwards. It was definitely an aquired taste in Tom's book. At first. Then, Tord started adding and scissoring fingers, and Tom gasped. Tord stopped for a few seconds, making sure he didn't hurt Tom, then kept going. It was really strange and Tom wasn't sure if he actually liked or disliked the feeling. Then, the greatest and strangest thing happened. Tord moved his fingers around, seemingly looking for a certain spot. Tom didn't understand and was still trying to get used to the sensations he was feeling, when he was hit with the most wonderful feeling he'd ever felt, and it hit him like a truck full of good. He voiced his pleasure through a yelp, and a gasp and a breathy moan. "Tord," he keened. Tord grinned wildly. "Do you know what that was?" Tom shook his head. "N-no," All Tom knew was good. Everything was very, very good in his world right now, as long as Tord kept harshly fingering that spot. Tom bit his lips and drooled a little. Tord decided that Tom was stretched enough, and pulled out. Tom let out an unintentional whine, and Tord reassured him. "Don worry, Tom. You're going to be in a world of good in a little bit." Tom took his for his word on that, and watched as Tord coated his dick in lube. Tord gently pressed at his entrance and waited. Tom pushed his hips backwards, wanting to feel good again. Tord snorted again. Tom wanted to hit him. Instead, he did something entirely unexpected. "Fuck me, you shithead, you got a good dick, now use it!" Tord was absolutely stunned. He's never heard anything like that come out of Tom's mouth before. In that moment, he decided to just get on with it before Tom got too irritated. 

Tord pressed further at his entrance, pushing inside him, slowly so Tom could get used to the feeling of being so full. Tom was not going to lie. This was honestly felt like shitting backwards, and probably wouldn't still be hard if it weren't because the situation was so novel to him. But he was willing to go through with it because Tom felt that little piece of really hecking good, and definitely wanted some more of that. Tord gave Tom a kiss on the lips when he hissed at the pain, and then moved his mouth to Tom's neck to give him something pleasurable to focus on instead. Tord began giving Tom a small constellation of hickies on his neck, until he found that one really great spot that made Tom go just a little bit wild and made all the blood rush straight between his legs. 

Tord pushed in and gave a long, slow thrust inside of Tom. He did this a few times so Tom could get used to his size, and then he began to go a little bit faster. Tom groaned at the feeling of being so full, at the slight pace change, though go it wasn't a pained groan, so Tord kept going. Soon, when there was a set steady pace on thrusting that both of them could live with, Tord started thrusting at angles. This time, Tom knew what he was doing, so it wasn't as strange, but it still felt weird to him. When Tord found that magical spot again, Tom let out a louder moan because Tord hit it harder than with his fingers. Tord grinned, then grunted as he thrusted in, trying to hit that spot again. Tord soon set up a pace where he hit Tom's sweet spot almost every time he moved his hips. Tord went back to giving Tom a necklace of hickies on his collar bones. Tom was just amazed at all the sensations he was feeling, he wanted more, so much more. It felt so good, like, Tom was in a whole world of 'so fucking good' that he didn't even know existed. "H-harder, Tord..." Tom whined when the sensations weren't satisfactory enough to him. Tord began thrusting even harder, practically ramming into Tom at this point, and the hickies were becoming darker and more visible at this point. Tord silently prayed for Tom's ass not to be too sore tomorrow. 

Slowly, Tom felt a heat pooling in his gut, getting bigger and bigger every thrust, and his cock was getting painfully hard at this point. "T-Tord, touch me, please!" Tom gripped the sheets tightly, arching his back and trying to push his hips forewarn. Tord grabbed Tom's dick and began hacking him off. Tom was cumming within a few thrusts without warning. Tord slowed down a bit, and Tom apologized for getting come on Tord's face. "It's quite alright," Tord said, licking some of Tom's seed off of his face. Tom blushed and hid his face in his hands as Tord's thrusting began to speed up again. Tom gasped and begged him to hurry. "Please!" He punctuated the plea with a sharp yelp. Tord came deep inside Tom, and to Tom, it was the strangest feeling, but he also kind of... Liked it? He wasn't sure, he only knew good right now. Tomorrow, however, he would only feel sore. 

Tom was exhausted, panting and gasping for air. He wrapped his arms around Tord, and practically fell asleep right there. Tord smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "You did so well, Tom. Sleep, I'll order pizza for us later, okay?" Tom nodded. "'M'kay, Tord." Tord fell into the bed next to Tom, letting him nap for a minute. Tord was definitely going to stay here a while. 

Tom was asleep when he got a phone call. His phone was still in his pants pocket on the floor, so he had to get up to grab it, though he didn't bother putting on any kind of clothing whatsoever. Tord answered the phone without looking at the caller ID. "Speak," he said simply. "Tord, it's Patryk and Paul from the base. When are you coming back?" Tord'a face fell. Right. He had to go back again. For a while, it seemed. Years, maybe. Tord sighed. "Give me a week."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been on, it's been a rough start to the year, my sister is in the hospital, but he's recovering well! I hope I can get around to being more active, and starting up series like Sunday Drabbles again because holy shit am I behind.  
> Your neighborhood-friendly dinasaur potato

**Author's Note:**

> Lets talk about my hiatuses @hushhushgalaxy.tumblr.com


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